The Lebanon

Okay, here it is. Time to talk about Israel and Lebanon. I've been biding my time because things just ain't right. In this war, things that appear one way on the surface, have an entire different look when appraised more deeply or from another angle.

This article provides the sequence of events as we know it, or, more precisely, as the Western media as transmitted it to us. Note that, according to this version, the story begins on June 25, when "militants" tunnelled from the Gaza Strip into Israel and captured an Israeli soldier. From this telling, it is reasonable to see how Israel would be in its rights to respond with overwhelming force. After all, if a "foreign power" (to the extent that Hamas is foreign to Israel, given Palestine's problematic status) were to abduct a Canadian, I would hope that the Canadian government would respond with all its might.

But the story is not so simple. This version of events traces the conflict back to January of 2005, with George Bush announcing that the promotion of democracy would be his government's focal point for the promotion of peace around the world. (A naive position, but let's talk about that some other time.) According to this chronology, a number of events, petty on both sides, preceded the capture of the Israeli soldier. It's apparent that, viewed through this lens, the capture can be seen as a response to Israeli actions.

But, my droogies, it still ain't so simple as two points of view. What of Lebanon? Since the Israelis withdrew from Lebanon in 2000, they have nonetheless continued to routinely violate that country's territory, conducting a variety of terror-like activities, including infrastructure damage and abductions. And Hezbollah, acting in loco parentis of an absentee Lebanese government, has risen as the self-appointed defender of Lebanon, gaining bragging points by engaging the Israelis whenever manageable. According to this analysis, it has been traditional for Hezbollah and Israel to engage in routine prisoner exchanges. So it was business as usual when Hezbollah captured (as opposed to abducted, because the reports I've seen indicate that the soldiers were in Lebanese territory at the time) two Israeli soldiers on July 12; it was their intention to trade the two for --literally-- women and children being held by the Israelis. (It is unclear whether Hezbollah shelling of Israeli targets came before or after the IDF initiated military actions.)

But this time it was different. No country responds the way Israel did without long term planning. In my opinion, the IDF had been poised to destroy southern Lebanon for months, and was only waiting for an excuse. With captures being commonplace, it was only a matter of time before Hezbollah gave them an excuse. And that's where this analysis gets very easy indeed...

Did Israel want to show the Arab world that they're big and tough? Fine, they did that. Everyone knows that they're the 5th biggest military in the world and that their big brother, America, won't let much harm come to them. Point demonstrated. Why then the need to indiscriminately murder almost a hundred innocent Lebanese civilians? This consititutes "collective punishment" and is in direct contravention of the Geneva Conventions, officially making Prime Minister Ohmert a war criminal. One can argue that I am holding Israel to a higher standard than Hezbollah and Hamas, and maybe I am (though I don't think so). So what? The latter two are the supposed to be the bad terrorist guys, right? The Western-style democracy is supposed to be the humane one who can responsibly use power and abide by international law.

So what's going on here? Think back to the earlier comment about the new Bush platform advocating for democracy. There's a strong sense among the thinking world that Israel's disproportionate response and America's tacit approval are tantamount to a "punishment" of the Palestinians for electing Hamas. Democracy is okay, but only if you vote the right way. A democratic system, I suppose, makes all citizens responsible for the actions of their elected leaders, thus "collective punishment" becomes justified. Chomsky discusses some of this here. (Do keep in mind that there are two conflicts here, Israel/Hezbollah in Lebanon and Israel/Hamas in Gaza, though they are linked in important ways.)

Militarily, I think the Israeli plan is a simple one: push on to Damascus. This is not about disarming Hezbollah --which really was never a great threat to Israel, and really cannot be flushed out of Lebanese society. This is about preparing for a conflict with Syria, or at least flexing muscles in that direction, for a variety of rational and irrational reasons. The tragedy, of course, is that hundreds or thousands may die in the process; and certainly one of the region's great poetic nations, Lebanon, is being bombed back to the Stone Age.

Here are some useful quotes on this topic:

"It is obscene to demolish infrastructure such as power plants, roads, bridges or airports merely because they are used by those you are fighting. Infrastructure of that sort is the skeleton of civilized life, used by everyone. Why not bomb orchards, supermarkets and cows? Terrorists use them, too." -Rick Salutin

"There is no single answer to who started it. The answer will vary with the assumptions in the question. All philosophy students know that." -Rick Salutin

"What matters now in the Mideast is not who is right, or why they feel right. What matters is who has the might to impose their notion of right. The bloody individual carnage inflicted by Israel's foes has never been commensurate with the vast damage inflicted by Israel on Palestinian and Lebanese society over generations." -Rick Salutin

"You know, the Israeli and Hezbollah perspectives on this are entirely incompatible, and that means that this conflict is probably going to continue escalating, until some kind of mediation begins." -Mouin Rabbani

"Oh, yes, collective punishment against innocent civilians is a war crime, and it is an Israeli specialty." -Charley Reese

"Israel's over-the-top attacks on Gaza have nothing to do with trying to get one soldier freed from his kidnappers, who are apparently a small group of militants. Destroying bridges and a power plant, which means no clean water or sewage for 700,000 people, is just a dress rehearsal for Israel's long-term plan to drive the Palestinians out of Palestine." -Charley Reese

PS. Today's Word of the Day is pornocracy, which means "government by whores". One can argue that that pretty much is what we presently have, given pork-barrels and whatnot. As distasteful as it may sound, it's better than living in a kakistocracy, like our friends in the USA. It means, "government by the least qualified or most inept."

Technical Virgin? Technical Fired!

Today's Word of the Day is demivierge, which means: "a promiscuous woman who nevertheless maintains an intact virginity." It's a nuanced definition that gets the imagination rolling, no? It's sort of related to yesterday's Word of the Day, gunsel, and to another word used on Deonandia in the past, ingler, which means: "the passive participant in anal sex."

Demivierge is particularly relevant to a news story I discovered today. It involves the satirical short film "Technical Virgin", which can be viewed here. The star of the short is a woman named Melanie Martinez. I hope you'll agree that the film is humourous, politically relevant and, most importantly, inoffensive.

Well, after doing two of these short satirical films, Melanie scored a pretty good job as the host of a PBS kids' show aimed at 2-5 year olds. Of her own accord, Melanie alerted the network to her previous acting gig, and --like the clueless bureaucrats they are-- her bosses sacked her. Their reason: "The dialogue in the [Technical Virgin] video is inappropriate for her role as a preschool program host and may undermine her character’s credibility with our audience."

Methinks the PBS spokesperson failed to understand the meaning of the words she used. Character --- Melanie was playing a character in both the short film and in the PBS show. So, according to this logic, Jake Gyllenhaal is no longer allowed to play a tough marine since he's also played a gay cowboy. Or Tom Hanks shouldn't have been allowed to play an erudite art historian in The Da Vinci Code since he's already played a doofus in Forrest Gump.

And, for the sake of argument, what if Melanie hadn't been playing a character in the first film? What if she had been espousing her own views and experiences? So what? How does that affect her ability to speak to toddlers? She's the mother of one, you know. And, might I stress, nothing she did in those films was even approaching illegal, pornographic or, according to most definitions, immoral.

It gets worse. Melanie's alma mater, the Tisch School of the Arts, has removed Melanie's name from its list of notable alumni. No reasons are given, but we can form our own conclusions.

This sort of ultra-conservative reactionary behaviour really pisses me off. In a supposed "land of the free", one should be able to pursue one's legal career options without being punished for them years down the road. What does this mean for future short satirical films? Will actors now be afraid to appear in them for fear of being punished years later?

I like PBS and I worry for their funding. But I hope Melanie sues their asses off.

Introducing: the Word of the Day

Yes I know I've been promising to write about serious stuff for a while. But cut me some slack. I feel like being timid and frivolous these days.

In that light, and in light of the discontinuation of the Daily Perv Link (TM), I now introduce Deonandia's new recurring service: the Word of the Day.

Today's Word of the Day is gunsel (courtesy of this source).

Gunsel (GUN-zel --noun), from the German "ganslein" meaning "little goose", is defined as "the orally passive participant in a male homosexual encounter."

Today's word was chosen for its relevance to a bit of cinematic history. Remember the Bogart film, The Maltese Falcon? Remember how Bogie would taunt the young gun-toting thug by calling him, "gunsel"? In the novel, the fellow was supposed to be gay. But the author, Dashiell Hamett, was confident that a contemporary American film audience would not pick up on the nuance, and decided to throw in this arcane reference for the literati, showing that Bogie's character was in fact taunting gunsel's sexuality more than his youthful thuggishness. (As a result of the film, the word "gunsel" became conflated with"gunman", since the thug carried a gun, after all.)

You're welcome.

Pics, Pics, Pics

Just finished watching the tear-jerking finale of season 2 of the new Doctor Who. I'm very sad that the Doctor's companion, Rose Tyler, will soon be replaced. I think the main reason the new show has held up so well is, in fact, Billie Piper's endearing portrayal of Rose. But never fear, rumour has it that the Doctor's new companion will be the truly babe-tastic Freema Agyeman, pictured below with David Tennant:



Speaking of photos, it's time to share with you some of the photos from last week's SAJA convention in New York. These were taken by Preston Merchant and ripped from his website without permission...

We begin with this pic of my L.A. bud Angilee S. who will be mortified that I've posted this image of her. But hey, Preston has already done it, so why not me?
We continue with this shot of PBS anchorwoman Daljit Dhaliwal. You will recall that I sang to her in the hallway, an event briefly chronicled in this blog.
Here we have a photo of Ashley Singh. Now, I don't know Ashley; we only said hello to each other once. But she's so thoroughly babe-tastic, that she warrants a photo here, don't you think?
Remember that reception at the Reuters HQ I blogged about? The one with the great view of Times Square? You can get a hint of the view in this photo.
And remember the comedian who got heckled by the humourless religious dude? Didn't I blog about that? No? Well, anyway, a comedian named Rahul Siddharth was making jokes about Hinduism, at a journalism convention in Columbia University in New York City, when an offended journalism professor named Prof Swami (truly) tried to shout him down. No, the irony is not lost on me, either. Here's Rahul in mid-offence.
Lastly, here's not-so-young Dr. Wat looking fatter than usual during the closing brunch at Mallika restaurant on Sunday.

Want to see more pics? You do? Well, aren't you in luck! The following photos were taken by Texas's Rohan Anand and are from an evening of much merriment:

Lord Wat and Anita N.
The Watster and award-winning jounalist Arthur J
Buried beneath much love: Dr Wat, Rohan, Arthur and Sonia M.
Rohan A. flanked by both the High Lord of Deonandia and this dude I called "Wacky Protest Guy"
Oregon's Shefali K. flanked by Rohan and the Watmeister

Seen enough? Good, I was running out of names for myself.

Yo, Vanessa!

By popular request, I'm sending a special shout-out to Vanessa, my office's babe-tastic front-woman and one of Deonandia's most vocal boosters.

Brother Hrab sends us this tale of India now attempting to block access to certain public blogs. It's a dark day in supposedly the world's biggest democracy. When individuals or agencies push for restriction of information, that's one thing. But when government does so, tyranny is inches away. India, in my opinion, has always been at risk for fascism, hence the ease with which Indira Gandhi implemented the "Emergency" in the 1970s, and hence the rise of the BJP, whose supporters include groups with fascistic tendencies. When forced to govern a nation of such diversity and chaos, the tendency to rule with an iron fist must be overwhelming indeed, especially when extremism begins to manifest as terrorism.... but they must resist this temptation, as must we all.

The exact opposite of censorship is seen in The Netherlands, where the Dutch courts have refused to ban a political party whose platform includes paedophilia. Of course, their platform is vile and disgusting, but I must applaud the Dutch for choosing rights over rhetoric. As Larry Flynt once observed, if the system can protect the rights of a scumbag like him, then the rights of everyone else are well protected, as well. Same applies for political parties: either citizens are free to propose radical or iconoclastic ideas --even disturbing ones-- or they are not. The Dutch have wisely erred on the side of freedom of thought. As the judge in the case put it, "It is the right of the voter to judge the appeal of political parties."

But the Dutch aren't entirely reasonable. A.G. sends us this story about an ad from The Netherlands that is being pulled from the US markets for "racist" content. The ad features a "stern white woman clutching a black woman by the chin", with text that reads, "White Is Coming." It's actually an ad for a new all-white Sony Playstation. I have no doubt that there was no racist intention in this image... no one is that dumb.

But context is everything. Racial politics aren't quite as polarized in Europe, so the ad was seen there, presumably, as strictly a play on aesthetics. But in America, with its history of racial violence and a persistent sensitivity to a very real history of White oppression of Blacks, this ad was clearly inappropriate. Again, to be clear, the advertisers have every right to show it. But the reasonable consequence of its display is, of course, outrage from a very vocal and substantial portion of the American populace. Thus, Sony were dumb-asses for not predicting this outcome.

It is unclear whether the ad was actually shown in America, or whether American critics had seen it in Holland... an important distinction, according to my analysis. If indeed, it was merely a local ad, then the opposing argument is that Sony is unreasonably responding to foreign pressure. Thoughts?

Meanwhile, in the USA, anti-war protestors are being labelled as "credible threats" to national security by a Defence Department that apparently isn't busy enough with it's 2 wars. Not sure where to put this story, so I'm plopping it down here in the middle of a blog post.

More on the Israel-Lebanon thing tomorrow.

Sex And The Poopy Dogs

I'm baaaack. One staggeringly tiring overnight bus ride later (the last 3 hours of which were next to a wheezing lummox with bad B.O.) and I am back in my office in Ottawa, underslepy and underfed. However, I did make a gargantuan career decision today, which I will not share with you for another two months.

You know what's funny/annoying/interesting about New York in 2006? Every other woman between the ages of 30 and 45 owns an annoying, over-groomed yappy dog. They don't seem to walk these dogs, but rather heft them along like nursing babies. Makes me wonder how all the ubiquitous dog shit manifests: do the owners hold the dogs' rear ends away from them at waist height? The bloody things don't seem to ever be on the ground!

Another annoying thing is the city's persistent obsession with Sex And The City. Yes, it was a great show. Yes, it was a great New York show. But you know what? It ended two years ago. Yet, so many women whom I met in New York last week still wanted to talk about the show and discuss which character most resembles themselves. The TVs were even hyping a "Let's Talk About Sex And The City" show, which is apparently about the actors talking about the clothes they wore on set and how often they used the toilet between takes.

I think it's official: Sex And The City is Star Trek for chicks.

Now let's talk about something serious:

"One Israeli writer has already noted the obvious — that Israel's over-the-top attacks on Gaza have nothing to do with trying to get one soldier freed from his kidnappers, who are apparently a small group of militants. Destroying bridges and a power plant, which means no clean water or sewage for 700,000 people, is just a dress rehearsal for Israel's long-term plan to drive the Palestinians out of Palestine." -Charley Reese

I Hate Purolator...And Some Guy Named Rosario

Still trapped in New York as, as some see it, "World War III" percolates in the Middle East. Weirdly, no one I encounter here in the richest media centre in the world cares to discuss world events. Quite telling.

Courtesy of Brother Bhash, here is one take on the current shenanigans.

So here's my story so far:

• Passport is lost/stolen early last week
• Because I'm on top of it, I contact my parents to courier my citizenship card right away, which do last WEDNESDAY
• Today is Tuesday, the next week, and the envelope has not yet arrived; I have now missed two days of work
• I enter the tracking number into the website, and it shows that the card was delivered YESTERDAY... yet clearly I do not have it
• So I call Purolator, and they claim that it could not be delivered because the apartment number was missing (which is bullcrap because my father's receipt clearly shows the apartment number on the destination)
• So they say the dispatcher will call me to arrange direct delivery, bcause the item is at the depot on 33rd street
  
• I wait, no call
• So I call Puolator again and get another operator. She claims the item was in fact delivered yesterday and SIGNED FOR by someone in the building named "Rosario", and that it should still be in the building's management office awaiting pick-up by Purolator to return to the central depot
• So I go down to the management office and discover --surprise!-- that there is no one named Rosario who works here, and that it is against policy to sign for anything!
• So I call Purolator again, get a third operator, and explain the sitch. He is at a loss to explain who this Rosario person is, but puts me in touch with DHL, who is apparently the people who deliver on behalf of Purolator
• I call DHL and they claim the item is being held in their 44th street office, which is on the other side of the island. So I arrange to pick it up at 6pm.
• As I'm about to leave, I get a call from another DHL operator, who is oblivous to all of this, and who claims the item is being held in their 33rd st office. So I'm supposed to pick it up at 8:30 pm

So that's where we sit. If I assume that everything happens the way it should, then I can pick up the card at 8:30pm and hop on the 11pm bus, to arrive in Ottawa at 9:30AM tomorrow. (Yes it has to be the bus; it's my last option.) But, to this point, nothing as happened the way it should. So I half expect to be stuck here for a looong time to come.

Still Stuck In Gotham

It's true. My travel docs still haven't arrived and I am hunkered in an apartment on the Upper East Side, trying to be productive.

Being here has given me some clarity, especially as it relates to my career trajectory. But more about that later... much later.

Tell you what else I like about this city. No, I don't mean Chipotle's burritos, which I crave daily. Rather, yesterday, hung over and fatigued after a long day of networking and walking, I slumped on the subway platform, hoping to find relief from the scalding heat, but instead finding sweltering subterranean humidity.

But that was okay, because on that platform I found solace among the celestial notes of a violinist who played a concert hall-quality rendition of DeBussey's Clare de la Lune. Marvelous.

But here I am, still stuck. My documents still haven't arrived.

Daljit Dhaliwal, Daljit Dhaliwal, Daljit Dhaliwal...

My "emergency travel documents" have not yet arrived, so it looks like I will be stuck in New York a little longer than expected. Whatever. Right now, I'm blogging away from a lounge in Columbia University, while below Sumi Das is giving a presentation on something or other.

Today I fulfilled a year long craving: I had a burrito from Chipotle Mexican Grill, my favorite fast food chain. Back when I lived in DC, I had one of these monstrous mothers at least once a week: they're that good--- and reasonably healthy, too! The shocker, of course, is that the chain is owned by McDonald's. If I had any kind of business sense, I'd look into buying a franchise and bringing it to Toronto. It would kill!

I've been meeting some fascinating folks here in NYC. My burrito was had in the company of a co-owner of a new restaurant on the Upper West Side. And throughout the convention, I've been meeting driven, smart journos, each eager to share his/her book ideas.

Got a story to tell you. Remember Daljit Dhaliwal? Well, on a $1 bet, I went up to her and had the following conversation:

Me: "You know, ever since I saw you on Letterman, I can't separate your persona from Letterman singing your name."

DD: "Okay. Go ahead."

Me: (singing childlike) "Daljit Dhaliwal, Daljit Dhaliwal, Daljit Dhaliwal..."

DD: (silence)

Me: "I guess it's either charming, entertaining or creepy."

DD: (backing away) "Creepy is the word."

Ugly Brides and Good Looking Anchors

Greetings from the heart of the SAJA convention in NYC. I attend this event every year. It's always filled with interesting, energetic people, and is punctuated with fun events and social opportunities. Plus, it allows me to remind myself that I'm a writer, and not just an epidemiologist.

Hunkered in a lounge in Columbia University, enjoying its free wi-fi service as I blog, I'm eavesdropping on a job interview between a network recruiter and a small-market news anchor. Quit fascinating, really. And I just enjoyed a nice little chat with Global TV's Pooja Handa, with whom I developed a networking game: converse for 10 minutes with a stranger without asking what they do, their name or where they are from. Can you do it?

One of the highlights of SAJA is its job fair, which is happening right now. I'm avoiding it, of course, because I don't want to be a full-time journalist. But it's inspiring to see a room full of aspiring network biggies, each being courted by CNN, AP and Reuters. Hmmm, maybe I should reconsider... Sanjay Gupta had to start somewhere, right?

Speaking of Reuters, the reception last night was held in their headquarters in Times Square, on the top floor overlooking all the gandeur that is Manhattan. I assure you, I wasn't the only visitor who looked like an awe-stricken country hick when presented with that view--- and I used to live here!

This morning, the keynote speaker was NBC's Brian Williams--- whom I missed because I was still in bed after a late evening of convention celebrations. And right now, PBS's Daljit Dhaliwal will be leading a session on something or other. I like her, but I can't ever separate her persona from the time David Letterman sang her name like a children's song.

The recurring theme in all the discussions and presentations here has been the growth of Indian presence in world news. The number of desis producing news, both in print and on the airways, is accelerating. This is, of course, married to the explosion of the Indian economy. Betty Wong of Reuters commented that their Bangalore office has experienced explosive growth, and that it has been a pleasure to deal with "an Asian nation whose primary export is human resources rather than natural resources." Yet, as one Indian anchorwoman said to me, the problem with India remains its infrastructure. "Bombay traffic is still paralyzed when it rains."

India has, in many ways, a long way to go. Abeer R. sends us this story about an American desi family suing an Indian family after the potential bride for their son, chosen from the latter, was deemed to be "too ugly" for their sweet, sweet baby boy. Methinks the "ugly" bride can do a whole lot better than this fat-ass boy and his elitist parents.

Lost Passports

Well it's official, I've lost my passport in New York City. I'm not too concerned -- it's not like I'm trapped in Damascus or Kabul. I'm in one of the world's great English-speaking metropolises, surrounded by family and friends and with access to several accounts of money.

It's an interesting process getting my ass back to Canada, however. According to the consulate, I can't get an emergency travel document without proof of citizenship (i.e., a passport, birth certificate or citizenship card), which is sort of stupid because if I had my passport or citizenship card with me, I wouldn't need an emergency travel document --Canadians can cross the US border with only a driver's licence and proof of citizenship (this datum also from the consulate).

In fact, one Canadian friend tells me that she regularly crosses the US border using just her driver's licence. Don't think I should try that, though. Damn rules.

Anyway, my parents are fedexing me my citizenship card as we speak. How fortunate for me that I leave it with them. If I were a rational person and kept all my i.d. in the same place, in my apartment, I'd be royally screwed, since I live alone and no one else has the keys to my place. Conclusion: these rules discriminate against single people who live alone!

Might I also add that this is the third time I've had to use Canadian consular services while visiting/living in the USA, and each time I've found them pretty near useless, except for receiving information that could be read off the website. In fact, on one previous occasion I was even given patently false information.

Let's hope Canadians stuck in Damascus or Kabul fare better.

Ahhh, Fluffery

Greetings from DT/UT, a coffee shop in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, chock full of cheap geeks syphoning free wireless internet for the price of a cup of green tea. Me likey.

I'm in hiding. The world marches on, with an earthquake in Yogyakarta, kidnapped soldiers in Israel, bomb blasts in Bombay.... the list goes on. But I'm in hiding. Today, I sip green tea and surf the 'Net, ogle pretty girls and reminisce about old Star Trek episodes.

In the spirit of this new fluffery, I give you this photo of lunchtime at the hospital where I work (photo by Peter Levesque). Gathered 'round the table are Nick, Kristen, Alberta, Denise, Lord Wat, Mylan (hidden) and Judith.



PS. I think I've lost my passport!

Explosions And Bad Rappers

No, this is not the obituary blog. But anyone who's done any international health work out of Canada has likely heard of Dr. Don Hillman, who was one of the pioneers of the field in this country. It is with regret that I pass on news of Dr. Hillman's recent death.

Meanwhile, back here in NYC, a building exploded in midtown. The world's eyes were turned this way again, for fear of another terrorist attack. But it soon became clear that this explosion was the result of a physician's over-eager suicide. The lesson here is that natural gas has no place in apartment buildings.

Yesterday my cousins and I ended up at the Disney World of malls, this strip of high quality outlets half way to Albany. Here in the land of supposed free commerce, I could not help but be caught up in the wave of consumerism. My gold VISA card has now melted.

The evening was capped with a visit to a karaoke bar in the Upper East Side, where some of the worst singing was to be heard. Thus it was appropiate that my cousin Alvin added his personal caterwauling to the cacophony, choosing to (temporarily, I hope) adopt the character of "Jay-Zed" and belting out, "99 Problems And A Bitch Ain't One of Them." Alvin can now say tht he rapped in Manhattan. He was followed by a muscly white fellow who really thought he was Eminem and took himself wayyyy too seriously. But I wasn't about to tell him. Lesson: rap should not be allowed in karaoke bars.

Pretending I'm Not Pushing 40

Greetings from New York, where I'm pretending to not be pushing 40. Immediately above is a pic of me flanked by my cousin Michele and my cousin-in-law Anita, as we extract sweet sweet cash from an ATM. Above that is a pic of my cousins Neil, Alvin and Michelle supporting my drunken ass as our ears are beaten by the sounds of the Bollywood-themed club, "Tonic".

Off to be fed by relatives...

Asshole Border Guards

Greetings from the US-Canada border crossing at Thousand Islands. I knew I was back in a strange land when I noticed the larger-than-life black MIA/POW flag hanging over the the immigration desks, where in Canada a big happy face emoticon would have been. Yep, back here again.

I also noticed the dual smirking photos of Bush and Cheney. I suddenly felt very sorry for these poor people.

Here's the situation. I suffer from migraines, so I have a constant supply of prescribed Tylenol 3 (which is acetominophen with codeine, a controlled drug in Canada, but available over the counter in the USA). Members of my family have the same prescription. When hastily throwing things into my luggage for this journey, I didn't notice that the bottle of Tylenol 3 that I packed was actually my mother's, not mine.

A lot of cheaper pharmacies also cut corners when dispensing "C3" (one assumes unintentionally, cough cough) by mixing in some C2 pills (which do not contain codeine). So the bottle I was carrying had my mother's name and had a mixture of C3 and C2 pills. Oh, and did I mention that the bottle is 4 years old and had likely expired?

Of course I get the asshole customs inspector who finds the bottle and has conniptions. Exactly what crime he thinks I was committing I have no idea, since you can get this stuff over the counter at walmart in the US. He was less upset that the bottle had my mother's name on it, and more upset that there were C2s mixed in --which is weird, because why would I "spike" my illicit codeine with more regular legal acetominophen?

He insisted that the pills "don't look 4 years old" ('cause he's also a pharmacist, right?) And he contended that I was using the old bottle as "subterfuge" to smuggle in a mix of new pills.

When I opened my mouth to explain, he cut me off with, "Don't bother. I can tell from your face that you're lying!" Well, I could tell from his face that he was a jackass.

The entire affair was quite embarrassing, since it was done in front of the other bus passengers (there's no privacy in bus travel). I had to actively prevent myself from lecturing this doofus on how dispensed Tylenol looks different from otc Tylenol, which is why they brand it with numbers. But what's the point? He'd ask me how I know, and I'd have to admit to being a fake doctor and the whole thing would just get weirder.

Can't wait till the bus stops again so I can take a piss on this country. Oops, I meant "in" this country. My bad.

Dr. What?

Sorry for the content-free couple of days, my droogs. I'm just very drained and cringe at the sight of a full email inbox. The thought of replying to emails or of having to craft a cogent argument in this space fills me with dread right now. Don't ask. This, too, shall pass. Heading to New York City tonight... by bus! Yep, the flights are all uber expensive, do I'm doing the cheap-ass overnight bus thing. Save me, ye gods!

The captions for the photo in Tuesday's post were truly inspired. Methinks we've tapped into an unrecognized source of actionable creativity. Hmmm, now how to profit from this discovery?Stay tuned...

Speaking of that photo, I'm contemplating making it into a poll and letting readers decide which was the funniest. Good idea?

Let's talk more fluff. I'm really enjoying the new season of Dr Who, featuring David Tennant as the Lord of Time. Brother Hrab made an interesting observation the other day, which, weirdly I'd failed to catch: every episode features something relating to zombies. Either armies of slow-marching evil cyborgs, armies of slow-marching evil aliens, armies of slow-marching mannequins come to life, or, more commonly, armies of slow-marching regular humans whose self-control ahs been wrest from them.

What does this mean? What does it say about the British groupthink when its most ubiquitous nightmare is.... deeper groupthink? I have no theories, but I'm sure there are some out there who wish to suggest that Britain's dance with communism --sometimes leading, sometimes pushing, sometimes courting, sometimes rebuking-- might have something to do with this attitude.

Another R.I.P.

R.I.P. my Aunt Puttin, pictured on the left (1939-2006), who succumbed to Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome yesterday, after many days of decline. My trip to New York this coming week was supposed to be for fun and education, but will instead feature a funeral.

Interesting thing about Guyanese people, or Caribbean people in general: we have many names. Each of us typically has, at least, both an official name and a "house name". The latter is one's true name, since it is what our loved ones know us by. (This only seems to apply to those who grew up "back home", so don't be asking me for my various names --I don't have any!) Funny thing about Auntie Puttin is that I don't even know here real name. But I'm sure I'll find out at the funeral.

In other news, apparently governor-wannabe Goldwater might have been misquoted in the whole slave labour camp thingy from yesterday. Hey, at least the Spanish press apologized for their error. Anyone hear a peep from the Swift Boat people?

I have automated searches that alert me anytime anyone in the online media is discussing or citing one of my works. (It doesn't always work, though). This morning, I was alerted to this site, which has summarized my article, The False War Between Civilizations. What's interesting about the site is that it seems to be a sort of meta-blog, in which the posts are solely summaries of other people's stand-alone items. The web is a weird and wonderful place. I will never tire of the many ways in which people choose to organize and present information.

Who's A Fat-Assed Geek?

Do I really need to add a caption to this photo? Better yet, why don't you send me your best caption? Include it in the comments section below.

Oh looky looky, the Republinazis are at it again. This time it's Barry Goldwater's nephew, Don Goldwater, who's running on the GOP ticket to be governor of Arizona. His platform includes a call for illegal immigrants to be placed in forced labour camps where they will be used as slave labour to build a giant wall separating the USA and Mexico.

Fortunately, other Republicans are rebuking this maniac. But it's gotta make you wonder about that party, no?

What? It doesn't? How about this, then? You know how BushCo is trying to access citizens' phone records in the name of counter-terrorism? Well, it now seems that they were trying to do this before 9/11!

And while we're on the topic of hypocrisy, I think it's useful to always keep this photo handy:


This weekend I had the great pleasure of seeing my cousin/niece Ashley, who is now 7 years old. (Ashley is the one who drew this remarkably accurate picture of me 5 years ago.)

Anyway, the little angel impressed me once again when she said to me --in perfect fluent French!-- "You look like a boy. But I'm not sure that you are a boy, because you have a fat ass."

In other news, I saw Superman Returns on the weekend. I really, really enjoyed this film. It's got plot holes big enough to fly my fat ass through, but the themes of family, loss, romance, reconnection and messiah-ness more than made up for it. I actually found it emotionally moving at times, which is something science-fiction films (and novels) often do for me. So, because I'm a big fat-assed sissy geek, I'm going to list for you some of the saddest or most moving moments in science-fiction TV and movie history:

• The final episode of Babylon 5, a real tear-jerker for those who followed the show
• That episode of Star Trek in which Kirk loses his memory and marries an Indian girl
• The final episode of Quantum Leap, in which Sam discovers he can never stop leaping
• The Abyss, particularly the scene in which we all think the chick is dead
• In The Six Million Dollar Man / Bionic Woman when Steve Austin hides from Jaimie the spot on the tree where their names and a heart had been bionically carved into the bark
• That Star Trek: TNG episode where Picard gets all family and shit
• The final episode of Angel, particularly the scene where Wesley is dying, and the thing that used to be Fred pretends to be Fred one last time

What am I missing?