Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Kneel Before Wat... I Mean Zod

By popular demand, I will talk a little more about yesterday's YouTube video featuring the Indian Superman.

See, back in 1987 a Bollywood producer blatantly ripped off footage from the Donner classic Superman featuring Christopher Reeve. Instead of the Last Son of Krypton arriving in Smallville, Kansas, the alien bambino is deposited in Bombay, where he grows up to be a crime-fighting, curry-eating, bhangra-dancing super-wallah. Indeed, "You will believe a movie can suck."

Read all about it here. The film even has an IMDB entry.

Now, I've not yet been able to get hold of a copy of that classic film, and Zod knows I want one. Yesterday's clip was not from the film in question; I have no idea where that one was from. But on YouTube I found the following clip which claims to be from the Donner ripoff, but I don't think it is; Superman wasn't supposed to be played by a fat Elvis impersonator:



There's supposed to be a genuine clip of the 1987 masterpiece here, but I can't get it to work.

Speaking of Indians and Superman, check out this 1940s cartoon about the "other" kind of Indian trying to steal back Manhattan, until that imperialist white oppressor, Clark Kent, stops him:



Courtesy of Darth Vadum, I leave you with the penis song.

FYI, No K&R for RSD in S.A.

Because I love you all, I give you this, a scene from the little known, but oh so marvelous, Indian Superman movie:



I'm busily getting crap done before heading to Guyana for a couple of weeks at the end of this week. I'm going to finish up consulting work on our grand public health programme in that country, but will also be taking a week for myself to explore the untouched arcadian interior. Fellow epidemiologist Adam S. will be joining me for the latter. Regular followers of my escapades may recall that Adam was one of my fellow travellers on my brief exploration of Malaysia back in 2002.

Now, Guyana and Trinidad have pretty much identical cultures, macro histories and, in some respects, political dynamics, especially where racial issues are involved. The two nations constitute a natural social experiment with one major factor differentiating the two: Trinidad has oil wealth and tourism income, while Guyana relies solely on its land-based natural resources for income. Today, Trinidad inches toward genuine "first world" status, while Guyana still languishes as as "third world" basket case nation, a favoured play place for Western NGOs and do-gooders.

So it was troubling when both I. and Anjali R. alerted me to new unrest in Trinidad (see also here, here and here).

K&R (kidnap and ransom) has been a booming business in South America, Latin America and the Caribbean for some years now. Some of the more wealthy multinationals even offer "K&R Insurance" to its Western employees working in dangerous areas. The somewhat entertaining film Proof Of Life explores this phenomenon. Trinidad is rapidly becoming a K&R endemic region. (Luckily, Guyana has yet to slide down this path significantly).

What these new reports seem to suggest, however, is that K&R is being employed, not so much for financial gain, but also for political purposes. I as yet don't have a fully formed theory about what's going on, but it is an interesting and concerning phenomenon nonetheless.

Sadly, my client does not offer K&R insurance. So if any potential kidnappers are reading this, please be aware that neither I nor my family have any money. Remember, I'm the poor kind of doctor. The most you can get for me is an autographed copy of my books, which now sell for under $5. So go kidnap somebody else, preferably someone who voted conservative.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Microsoft

By the way, my latest post over at the MicroSoft small business forum is here. Click it so we get our hit counts up. I don't care if you actually read it :-)

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Electoral Reform

Greetings from Toronto where I am wrestling with an uncertain internet connection, hence no links in today's post :-(

I had the great pleasure today of attending a small meeting with the Chair and representatives of the Citizen's Assembly on Electoral Reform. For my readers outside of Ontario, let me explain. The province of Ontario, like our federal system, utilizes a "first past the post" electoral system, wherein the candidate with the plurality of votes within a riding wins the seat, and the party with the majority of seats --or the party with the plurality of seats within a coalition with the majority-- forms the government, made up of those individuals elected at the riding level. Ridings themselves are geographically drawn to provide somewhat equal population representation (with a very wide margin of error, +/- 25%).

The problem with our system is that in a multi-party system, it is common to have the government made by a party that the majority of voters actually did NOT vote for. The present Liberal government of Ontario, for example, garnered around 44% of the popular vote, and yet was able to form a "majority" government.

There are other forms of electoral democracy around the world. Every country and jurisdiction does it differently. Some use a "list" method wherein parties submit a list of members who would form the government if elected, and citizens vote directly for their party of choice; this translates to zero local representation, which may be already an outmoded idea in an era of 3 levels of government. Australia employs a system in which voters identify a first and second choice; if the first choice does not result in a majority, then the second (and possibly third) choice is considered. And New Zealand reserves a set number of government seats for Aboriginal candidates, assuring legislative diversity that way.

There is also a growing recognition of the marginalization of urban dwellers (and therefore of immigrants and people of colour, who tend to be city folk). A researcher named Sujit Choudhury (I may have spelled his name wrongly) is presently making waves by having computed that, in Ontario, due to a lack of proportional representation, a city dweller's vote is actually equal to 0.96 votes, while a rural dweller's is something like 1.22 votes. Clearly, something needs to be done.

In recognition of this discontentment, the present Ontario government commissioned the Citizen's Assembly, which is a remarkable experiment in democracy. It is made up of 104 randomly selected ordinary Ontarians (one from each riding), with equal numbers of men and women, and with jigged mandatory representation of Aboriginal and other minority groups. The assembly is charged with the task of devising a new electoral system for Ontario. Their recommendation will be put to a province-wide referendum come next election. With supposed guarantees that this process is at arm's length from the government (and I have my cynicisms about that claim), this process has the potential to elicit real change on the ground. Thus, it was with great excitement that I participated in this discussion, hosted by the Maytree Foundation. I'm looking forward to submitting my own written brief soon, and I would encourage any Ontario reader to do the same, if you feel strongly about this issue. Even if nothing comes of it, the process will have helped you crystallize your thoughts on the matter.

The Assembly states that ones of its goals is to better assure a legislature that is demographically representative of the province's population, according to such things as geography, gender and ethnicity. This worries me. The focus of any electoral system in a society that ostensibly values true, unbiased equality should be on maximizing the fairness of the process without dictating the nature of the elected government. In other words, so long as every citizen has received equal guidance and opportunity to both exercise his franchise and/or to run as a candidate, and so long as the formulary for forming government does not bias or favour one demographic group over another, then the resulting legislature will, by definition, be representative of the population. In this way, so long as the process is genuinely fair (and more on that later), then I have no problem with a government made up entirely of straight white men or, for that matter, lesbian black women.

This, of course, outright rejects that New Zealand model which supports reserved seats for certain groups. There is a vocal minority advocating for Ontario, and Canada, to set aside guaranteed seats for Aboriginals, women and ethnic minorities. On the face of it, this seems like a reasonable path. But several problems quickly arise. First, which special interest groups deserve such a boon? Why not reserved seats for disabled people, young people, older people, war veterans, homosexuals, poor people or, for that matter, fishermen? More importantly, however, is this question of whether, for example, more Blacks in the legislature will translate into a more effective voice for so-called "Black issues" in government.

In my philosophy, it is more important for me to represented by someone who shares my values rather than by someone who shares my biology. Therein lies the value of the party system; parties create platforms that I can then match to my personal philosophy. Parties are also able to field candidates whose experiences may match my own (eg, gender experiences, immigrant experiences, etc) and I can then choose to either select or reject such individuals on the ballot sheet.

What's more important is to remove barriers to full participation of the population. This means making civic education a priority again, so that everyone understands the role, function and process of government. And, more importantly, it means simplifying the process for becoming a candidate, taking such paths out of the hands of the wealthy and influential. If all citizens are equally able to present themselves as candidates, without procedural advantages given to wealthy and powerful individuals, then the citizenry will be presented with a truly representative panoply from which a necessarily representative government will likely be chosen.

I would also add a need to earn the right to vote, not through citizenship, but through knowledge. I am not one of those people trying to maximize voter turnout. I'd rather have a small, informed voter population than a large, ignorant one. Perhaps this is elitist of me, but I think that if parties are aware that the voters are well informed, then the attack ads would diminish, propaganda would dilute, and real platforms would have to be developed. How to institute this? Well, for a provincial election, how about asking on the ballot, "What is the name of the current Premiere?" Those who tick the wrong box get their ballots tossed.

The Citizen's Assembly is not focused on these issues of access and candidate representation. Rather, they are seemingly more concerned with the formulary for computing won seats. I have no strong opinion on that yet, other than to suggest a weighted average. I have previously suggested this model in my essay submissions to the Magna Corporation's "What Would You Do As Prime Minister?" scholarship contest, of which I was a semi-finalist 3 years in a row when I was a graduate student. My idea was to modify the Australian model by weighting the voter's first, second and third choices accordingly, then computing which candidate received the most weights, rather than the most votes. The result is that you would often get coalition governments and very few dynasties. In other words, no one gets the government they really really want, but everyone gets the government that is least objectionable.

A modification might be to also include a "vote against" category, meaning that you can also place a tick next to the name of one candidate you want to vote AGAINST. Each tick would then represent a subtracted vote from that person. This is useful in cases where people really hate a given candidate but have no preference among the others. The problem here, of course, is that the incumbent will often by most punished, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

As you can see, the permutations are endless. Any other ideas out there?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Bow Wow

This dog brings you this story, about a man thrown off of a Qantas flight because --get this-- he was wearing a T-shirt that had a picture of George Bush and a caption that stated, "World's Number One Terrorist."

Regardless of how you feel about the war or about George Bush, anyone claiming to support a Western-style democracy must concede that the criticism of elected leaders, whether orally, via print or even on clothing, is a necessarily tolerated act. The actions of the airline are indeed disturbing and saddening in a deeply profound manner.

Rushton Revisited

Epsom Salts
I hate taking baths. Showers I like. Baths not so much. Sitting still in hot water, neck deep in my own filth is not my idea of pleasantness. Nevertheless, due to my recent return to martial arts and an increase in gym activity, my old body has been requiring the occasional hot soak in Epsom salts.

Now, Epsom salts are a fascinating thing. Not only does it supposedly relieve muscle aches, it also treats dry skin, can be ingested as a mild laxative, and applied to soil as an effective fertilizer. Now the skeptic in me is starting to wonder: WTF?

Pacific Mall
Over the holidays, I made sure to spend some time in Toronto's little slice of the Mongkok, Pacific Mall. Here's a photo I took in one of the video stores. Three guesses as to what it actually says:



And here's a photo from a nearby grocery store in which a sign proudly displays the price of coconuts. Only... those are some strange looking coconuts!



Academic Freedom
Tonight's topic on TVO's The Agenda was the limits of academic freedom and the politicization of education, issues close to my heart. Examined were the recent cases of Margaret Somerville's receipt of an honourary degree from Ryerson University, and the attendance by Prof. Shiraz Dossa of the Holocaust denial conference in Iran.

I won't reproduce the debate. I think I've made my position on the topic quite clear: there is no topic or intellectual activity, however societally offensive, that should be off limits to an academic. Indeed, I would extend this freedom to any citizen. In the case of academics, that freedom manifests as job protection.

Globe columnist John Ibbitson has written that Dossa should lose his job for bringing his university and country into disrepute by attending the conference. I could not disagree more. The right of an academic to explore any ideas, in whatever context, in whatever venue and with whomever he pleases, needs to be sacrosanct in a truly liberal society. This means protecting those who advocate for everything from Holocaust denial to child sex to racial superiority to --gasp!-- world peace. Professors should only be judged according to the quality of their intellectual products and their teaching, never on the topics or content of those products, nor on the company they keep.

The line, though, is drawn when an academic evolves from exploring a marginalized topic to trying to influence the world views of his students according to an agenda, rather than simply equipping his students to better understand the issue.

I am reminded of Phillipe Rushton, who created a fuss in the late 1980s when he published research suggesting that intelligence and penis size were inversely related and determined by race. David Suzuki traveled to the UWO campus to debate Rushton on live TV. I was very disappointed when, instead of tackling Rushton's methodological flaws, Suzuki rambled on about how "we should not be doing this kind of research."

Yes, money can be better spent on more deserving topics. But Suzuki really disappointed me; and, to tell the truth, he has never recovered in my esteem. The correct point of view for a liberal society is that there is no question that should be off limits to a scientific investigator, no matter how societally unattractive. Methodologies and motivations are fair avenues of criticism, however, but never topic.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Happy Blue Monday!

Happy Blue Monday!

The people have spoken: this blog will retain it's policy of posting only once per day.

I've mentioned before my belief that nostalgia is unhealthy. Its lure is strong, but that way lies true aging, something a narcissist like me is understandably terrified of. But I slipped today. I found myself listening to old U2 records. Now, you may recall my old story of when Bono spat on me (check the entry dated Sunday Nov 7, 2004). Even so, I have fond memories of listening to War and October over and over in my angst-filled youth. So I looked up some old Rolling Stone reviews of U2 from back in that era. Here are some tidbits:

"U2 may not be great intellectuals"

"It's impossible to take U2 as seriously as they take themselves... I want to usher [Bono] aside and wish him a speedy recovery from adolescence."

Ironically, I have not been listening to New Order's "Blue Monday".

And since I was in a nostalgic mood, I took the time to watch some episodes of Blake's 7, perhaps the greatest of campy British sci-fi of the late 1970s. The story is surprisingly risque: an average man, Blake, is falsely accused of child molestation by the corrupt government, so turns to terrorism. With his new terrorist cronies, he steals a powerful alien spaceship, the Liberator, and wages guerrila war against the "Terran Federation". It's gripping adult stuff, complete with rubber monsters and cheesy special effects, but also with pith dialogue and complete characters. Highly recommended.

Here's a bit of trivia: there was originally a planned cross-over between Blake's 7 and Doctor Who back in the latter's Tom Baker years, including a galactic invasion by the Daleks. This is because the creator both of Daleks and of Blake's was the late great Terry Nation.

As cool as Blake's 7 is/was, it's not as cool as the 1970s' most memorably piece of British sci-fi eye candy, Space: 1999, which featured the second greatest TV opening segment of all time. Check it out:



So, you ask, what then is the first greatest TV opening of all time? Well, this of course:



And speaking of video, congratulations to resident Deonandia villain Darth Vadum for his recent appearance on The O'Reilly Factor. Since Lord Vadum has discontinued his blog, I encourage all of you to view the video and leave your comments here for Darth.

That's all folks!

Maaaaad Monkey



This dangerous fellow above is stinking mad --and not just stinking-- because his ape brethren, the majestic mountain gorilla, is being killed and eaten by Congolese rebels. This activity was indeed reported to us when I and my buds went gorilla tracking in Uganda back in 2005.

That's all I've got for you today. Yeah, it's a light post. Sue me!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Dahl, Vodka, Pervs and Human Meatballs

Mmmmm. I love dahl. In fact, I'm pretty sure I could live on it exclusively. So I drove to Toronto earlier this week and absconded with a tankard of my mother's home-cooked dahl, poured into an emptied 2kg protein powder jug. See how much I love dalhl? I've been living off this tankard all week.

Happy birthday to regular Deonandia reader and contributor Anonymous/John/Manoj. The same fellow has shared with us this video clip of a comedian doing a striptease in the guise of Mahatma Gandhi. Unsurprisingly, the video has caused great uproar among Indians, particularly Hindus, the world over, even finding censure from the Indian government. Personally, I'm in favour of mocking and satirizing everyone who has ever lived in the public eye. I'm offended by this performance for one reason alone: it's not funny. Come on, if you're going to sabotage your career based on a single gag, it might as well be a funny one!

Cousin Ajay, who has since relocated to Adelaide, Australia (the poor bugger) sends us the following Russian clip of extreme alcohol abuse. I don't know why this is entertaining, but it is. It;s also a tad scary, since it's unlikely the "performer" will have an intact liver in 5 years:



In other news, Anju G. sends us this ridiculous story of a US art teacher being fired because, in his free time, he makes paintings using his ass as a brush. I tell you, I am becoming increasingly concerned about these reports of employers punishing their employees for activities they pursue outside the workforce. This, to me, is an intolerable development in a truly liberal, modern society.

Today you get two Daily Perv Links. This one is a follow-up on an older story. And this one is perhaps one of the more disturbing of the perv links I've presented to you, so click at your own discretion. At this point, I think it's important to direct you to the official Deonandia disclaimer.

Speaking of disturbing items, here is a story about a "performance artist" who feeds guests meat made from his own liposucked flesh. Yes, you read that right.

Lastly, for my fellow bloggers I offer this cautionary tale. But don't let it get you too down, because there are also here bloggers that like this guy, who has showed the world the power of this medium.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

TV, Everest, Hookers And An Exploding Meth Lab

Question: which blogging format do you guys prefer? At present, I blog about once a day, never more frequently, but often cram a lot of unrelated material into a single post. An alternate model would be to post several times a day, with each post being smaller and subtending a specific topic. Which model would you prefer I adopt?

TV

So after gorging myself on the drivel that was Torchwood, I needed to find a new BBC adventure series to clean my palate. Luckily I found the new Robin Hood which, like Torchwood, is not yet available in North America. This is the UK version of Hercules and Xena, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I thoroughly enjoyed its light, frivolous fare. You can watch the entire series here.

(And because some people couldn't access the Torchwood video I provided, the entire first season is available here.)

EVEREST

As I reported many months ago (here and here), my (retired) grade 9 English teacher Harold Lass successfully trekked to the base camp of Mt Everest. It seems the link for his slideshow has since expired. Mr. Lass has kindly provided a new link here.

HOOKERS

Darth Vadum sends us this story about a new statue being "erected" in Amsterdam, intended to honour prostitutes. I love the bit where they talk about, "the precise place where the statue will be laid." Heh heh.

EXPLODING METH LABS

The big news for my family today is that my sister P. was evacuated from her Miami apartment building when a makeshift lab in another tenant's apartment exploded. According to my sister's regular blackberry reports, Homeland Security was quickly on the scene... which is oddly comforting. Nice to know they're investigating explosions and shit, and not random swarthy gentlemen. Within minutes, the explosion made the news here and here. Methinks the poor, somewhat swarthy, miscreant responsible is going to have a rough time of it over the next few weeks/months/years.




Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Happy Belated MLK Day

Monday, January 15, 2007

Dude, 24 Is So Gnarly

I've never watched 24, but have often wondered what all the hype is about. So I just tuned in to the first 3 minutes of episode 4 of the new season. And what did I see?

Dr. Bashir from Deep Space 9, playing a super serious Arab counterspy!

Kumar from Harold and Kumar--- as a super serious nuclear terrorist!

The high school principal from the last season of Buffy --- as the President's super serious brother!

And --ha!-- Shaun Majumdar as a terrorist so dangerous he's wearing an orange jumpsuit and held in something resembling Guatanamo Bay!

Geez... who's casting this thing? A 16 year old stoner?

Friday, January 12, 2007

Torchwood

I've only got a few minutes to squeeze out this post before my handful of select guests arrive for Deaonandia's First Annual Friday Night Martinis And Trivia Extravaganza....

These last couple of days I've been watching the Dr Who spin-off series Torchwood, which stars the impossibly good looking John Barrowman as the mysterious Captain Jack Harkness. Most North Americans have not seen or heard of this show, but it's a huge deal in Britain. I've been watching it (somewhat illegally) through various online sources. If you've got 50 minutes to kill, here's the pilot episode:



The show is notable for a number of reasons. First, it'sthe first real spin-off from the legendary Dr Who. (There was an earlier aborted attempt, called K9 And Company).

Second, as it is aired after the "watershed" (British for 9pm), it can be a little risque, so there are many "fucks", "fuckers", references to "coming", graphic sex and lots and lots of gratuitous violence, including one particular scene in which Captain Jack empties what seems like a score of bullets into a struggling, prone woman at close range.

Third, as the show is produced by Russel T. Davies, the man behind both the rebirth of Dr Who and the gay drama Queer As Folk, sexuality plays a strong role in the show, though in my opinion it's overdone. Captain Jack himself is described as "omnisexual", someone who will "shag anything with a hole in it". Within the first 6 episodes alone, all the main characters have had both hetero- and homosexual flings with each other. It's all a bit too much.

After watching 6 episodes, I was very disappointed by the mismatching of forced sexuality, Dr Who campiness and X-Files adult mystery with annoying MTV-style direction. The writers keep messing up the characters. For example, the policewoman doesn't know how to fire a handgun and seems inept at any kind of basic police work; the computer nerd does autopsies while the pathologist searches the internet; and, my constant complaint about such shows, all the lead characters are supposed to be members of a super elite investigation department with seemingly endless resources, but appear to all be fresh out of highschool and lacking basic knowledge about the world around them. Quite unbelievable.

However, I'm now up to episode 10. The last two were superlative character-driven stories with clever narratives and storytelling approaches, though both with weak, predictable endings. I think I'll keep watching, mostly because I'm a geek and need my hourly fix of anything resembling science fiction.

Okay, the martinis are waiting...

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Tigger, Please!

I'm sure you've all heard the (non) news item about a Disney employee in a Tigger suit "assaulting" a teenager. Here's the footage:



It's pretty obvious to me that the punk was trying to pull Tigger's headpiece off. Tigger trapped the dudester's arm and gave him a well-earned whack to the head. If only all park mascots were authorized to smack teenagers. The world would be a better place.

Here is a story about a US senator named Mike Friend trying to make the sending of "adult" images via email illegal. Lesson #1: never trust any man named "Friend".

And here is a story about a 40 year old high school student at "Malcolm X College" getting frustrated with math and stabbing her teacher, after exclaiming, "I don't understand... Explain to me!"

Note to other frustrated math students: despite what "math is hard" Barbie might tell you, perforated teachers do not make the material any easier.

There's yet another story about a suburban prostitution ring. I won't provide a link because I'm sure no one cares to read it. What's interesting is that the Madam, a former Penthouse Pet, has her own website. Since news broke of her arrest, the website has been in a permanent state of crash, as demand for her imagery exceeds the site's bandwidth. Hmmm, I wonder why?

Courtesy of Rondi, I give you yet another political placement quiz, in which respondents get ranked from 1 to 40, with 40 being the most conservative, and 1 being the most liberal. Unsurprisingly, I scored a glorious 6. Warning: it's pretty Americo-centric.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Big Belly Man

Ohhhh the pain. My emergency plan to drop 10 lbs of ugly fat --without chopping off my own head-- is underway. See, I'm a very fit guy, but I seem to have an increasing sensitivity to carbs. And 3 weeks in the ancestral Deonandan home in Toronto, surrounded by cakes, breads and other flaky delights, padded on the poundage. So the emergency plan is in effect, and I will be svelte again in 2-3 weeks. If you're nice, I will share my emergency slimming secrets, but maybe I should save it for a make-a-quick-buck book!

So George Bush will soon announce his new "plan" for "dealing with" Iraq. Seems he's going to request 20,000 more troops. Given that the Democrats now control both Houses, it seems likely his request will fail. Why then is he doing it, considering his path is in direct contradiction to the recommendations of the bipartisan "study group"? Clearly, this is all about the 2008 elections.

The Democrats will deny Bush's request for more troops. Iraq will continue to slip into even greater chaos. Come election time, the Republicans will claim the Democrats prevented them from putting things right by denying them the needed troop increase. All rather sad that the lives of millions of Iraqis are playthings in the parlour game of US domestic politics.

On a similar tragic note, Katie S. sends us news that "Mr Noodle", the man who invented Ramen noodles, has died. An entire generation of poor cooks and college students stands in silence.

Darth Vadum sends us, um, this.

Anju G. sends us this story about Thailand blocking its citizens' access to US-based porn sites because, apparently, they show the Buddha in a bad way. We live in fascinating times, no?

For those who really need to see such things, Anonymous JJ sends us the video of Saddam's hanging.

And last but not least, since we all need some levity in these days of hangings and fat bellies, Yakuta sends us the following YouTube video of the infamous Justin Timberlake "Dick In A Box" skit from SNL:

Monday, January 08, 2007

Toronto To Ottawa Via Via

Greetings from the first class (Via 1) car of VIA Rail's direct roll to
Ottawa. Yes, in my unemployed splendour, I have opted to splurge on some
minor luxury in the form of spacious seats, over-salted but fancy-sounding
meals and all-you-can-drink booze.

These days there's also free wi-fi, but for some reason I canna connect,
Keptin. So i'm blogging from my trusty pda. A shame, since I'd hoped to
watch streaming online episodes of Smallville and DS9 to kill
the 5 hour drunken trip. Instead I'll have to watch my pirated vcd of the
new "Donner cut" of Superman II. Don't know what I'm talkin' 'bout,
Willis? Google it, friend, google it.

Due to overwhelming apathy it just fell to me to be briefed by the engineer
on operating the emergency doors. It's actually fairly complicated for a
drunken passenger. Let's hope no one actually has to rely on me to operate
the dang things.

OK... got Notorious B.I.G. playing on the headphones, got the top button of
my jeans undone, got more booze on the way, and a bottle of Gravol in
reserve if things really get boring...

...Oh yeah, forgot to mention. On my way out the door, my father said to
me: "You know, I think you're getting fat."

AUUUUGHHHH!!!!

More on this horrifying development later.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Not That London

Greetings from London, Ontario, where I am facing my fears: visiting the hellhole in which I lived for too many years while finishing my PhD. It's only my second time returning to this pit of blonde nausea, and like last time I still can't bring myself to venture onto my old scholastic brooding grounds. Maybe after a few shots.

Someone pointed out to me that I have yet made no predictions for 2007. So I will make one and only one: Al Gore returns to politics this year, in the form of a Presidential bid. That is all.

And since it's still sort of New Year's, I bend my rule a bit and give you a Daily Perv Link.

Friday, January 05, 2007

To Whom It May Concern

Most of us occasionally needs a letter of recommendation from a past employer or senior colleague. In the academic realm, it's not atypical for a reference to ask that the letter requester write the letter himself, about himself. The following is a sample letter I recently provided to one of my putative references. Let's see if he submits it as is.


To Whom It May Concern:

Re: Dr. Raywat Deonandan

I’m not sure what drew me first to Dr. Deonandan. Was it his raven hair, so youthful and masculine? Or was it that boyish grin, disarming yet concealing a delicious danger. Or was it perhaps the throaty, manly tremor of a voice, with a singsong lilt that would soothe the most ferocious beast, yet sufficiently virile to command legions to die willingly at his whim?

Whatever the cause, I –like so many before me—was charmed by this man among men, this Caesar among Alexanders, this dazzling diamond among shiny baubles. With a wit so sharp it could cut steel, and features so chiselled that they might have been sculpted by the master himself, Dr. Deonandan strolled –nay, glided!—through the hospital halls like an angel subtly extruded into the mortal realm.

To have such a king of men grace your faculty would be godly fortune indeed. But I will not recommend him to you. Nay, I shall instead weep for you should you choose to deny his application; for in such a case, it would be you, not he, who would be the poorer.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Gulf Wars: Episode II

Courtesy of Nasty Nick:

Monday, January 01, 2007

007

Before I forget, here's a plug for a new blog by Stefanie S. called www.ch.aoti.ca. Happy birthday to both Shaila M. and my Hindi teacher, Dr. Kamlesh Gupta! And happy impending birthdays to Barb S., Nasty Nick B., Suzanne B., Sneh A., Urvi S. and Elvis P.

Well, I missed my chance to blog on the last day of 2006 'cause I was too busy having a life. So I will use this first post of 2007 to cover some traditional ground, to look back at 2006. Sorry folks, this one will be a mostly personal post.

In 2006:
  • The funniest joke I heard was: "Did you know that bowling is the oldest sport in the world? It dates back to when we only had three fingers."
  • Yet another recent ex-girlfriend got married and promptly got knocked up. By her husband.
  • I quit my job (again), this time to take the frightening plunge into the world of self-employment.
  • I met a slew of progressively sexier and more brilliant women. It seems my dating quality continued to improve, which didn't exactly give me great impetus to settle down. Even so, I managed not one, but two (and maybe three) stints of genuine, heartfelt monogamy.
  • Yet another avuncular relative, this time my Aunt Putin, passed away.
  • My sitar playing, squash game, new book and my quest for a six-pack stomach all failed to progress.
  • I traveled to India, Trinidad (twice) and to the USA several times. Yes, I'm slowing down.
  • The number of trolls on this site increased --which is to be expected as the site's popularity also increased. But the sad result was the institution of posting rules and formal moderation.
  • The quality of network television improved dramatically, taking a bite out of my free time. Luckily, the advent of streaming online TV has proven to be my saviour.
  • I learned to say no to both free sex and free food. Mostly.
  • I managed to not attend any weddings, including those of ex-girlfriends.
  • My evolution into stodgy old curmudgeon continued nicely.
So happy new year to all of you, especially my regular readers and commenters --D-Mack, Greenmamba, Rondi, I., Mischa, Mr. Hornbeck, Lord Vadum, Babu Phil, Sonia and all the unnamed lurkers. May Jupiter beam his glowing eye upon you. May the hoary hand of Horus smack you upside the head. May the bird of paradise fly up your skirt. May the stinky crotch bandit bypass your home. And may the fairies of funky flavour find favour in your pudding.