Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Old Year's Night

In the final minutes of 2008, I have nothing important to share with you. Instead, you get, from EK Hornbeck, a fascinating list of Ten Things That Won't Survive The Recession. And over at Skiffy.ca, we have a new article: 2008 Science Fiction Year in Review.

Tomorrow I will have my traditional New Year's post of things I am thankful for. So until then, have a drink for me... 'cause I'm sick in bed!

Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Bring Back Kirk

Hmmm, what shall I write about today? Discord in the middle east? The upcoming prime ministerial showdown in Canada? How about Obama's reactions to emerging global concerns?

Nope. Today we talk about Star Trek... and not just because Majel Roddenberry is dead.

I re-watched Star Trek: Generations the other day, the one in which one of my boyhood heroes, James T Kirk, is killed. I really enjoyed that movie; I think it had a lot of heart, even though it was clearly made on leftover change. What I didn't like was how they killed Kirk. See, I was one of the few people walking into the theatre who had no idea they were going to off the good Captain. I sat there with my mouth hanging open when it happened.

As Kirk said inThe Final Frontier, he always knew he would die alone. Well he wasn't alone. He was killed first when Malcolm McDowell shot him in the back. Then, when test audiences protested, the studio spent an additional $5 million re-shooting a very lame sequence in which Kirk dies when a bridge falls on him. A bridge!

A timeless icon of American culture, a man who fought (and defeated) Klingons, Romulans, the Gorn, humpback whales and even the god Apollo himself was taken down by... a fucking bridge?

Kirk should have taken command of the Enterprise D, as the original script idea had called for, and led the Next Generation crew into battle against the Klingons... but not before first goosing Commander Troi and knocking Worf on his ass.

There are several websites dedicated to both regretting Kirk's death and calling for his resurrection --like this post by Battlestar Galactica writer Ronald Moore and, of course, BringBackKirk.com.

My favourite of these sites, though, is the ever popular Top 100 Reasons Why Kirk is Better Than Picard. Here are some gems:

  • When Picard went back in time he brought back Data’s head. When Kirk went back in time he brought back a blonde.
  • When Sisko met Picard he told him he hated him. When Sisko met Kirk he got his autograph.
  • When Picard has a problem he talks to Guinan about it. When Kirk has a problem he shoots it.
  • Kirk’s Enterprise did not have a day care.
  • The only Klingon serving on Kirk’s bridge would be a dead one.
  • When Sarek mind melded with Picard, Picard cried a lot. When Sarek mind melded with Kirk, Kirk decided to hijack the Enterprise and bring Spock back from the dead.
  • Kirk’s dress uniform does not actually look like a dress.
  • Kirk would never allow his first officer to get more tail than he does.
  • Picard’s first officer is named after a bathroom code.
  • When Data hijacked the Enterprise, Picard was helpless to stop him. When Spock hijacked the Enterprise Kirk fought him to the death.
  • Picard once wore formal Klingon robes for a Klingon ceremony. If Kirk ever wore Klingon robes it would be because he took them off a dead Klingon.
  • When Kirk disguised himself as a Romulan, he stole a cloaking device and used it to escape to Federation space. When Picard disguised himself as a Romulan he ate some soup and then got captured.
  • Kirk went to the center of the universe, met god and wasn’t impressed.
  • Style: Kirk did it first, he did it better and he did it wearing gold velour and Beatle-boots with a space girl on each arm.
I also just finished watching UFC 92. Frank Mir is an inspiration. And the deaf fighter, Matt Hamill, was fascinating, especially how his corner has to communicate with him. That got me to finding this, a tape of some of the more brutal moments in MMA history. Dig John McCain's contribution:




As well, here's a rare online clip of the now famous war between Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffin, a match that in many ways changed mixed martial arts history in North America by showing a regular broadcast TV audience how unbelievable this sport can be.


In Other News...

Here's a BBC documentary on how much science the new incoming US President needs to know.

And here's a slideshow of the the biggest douchebags of 2008. Enjoy!

Labels: , , ,

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Biggest Loser


Well, I broke my carb embargo in spectacular style today, as Ed and Meiling Wong once more stupefied us with unbelievably delicious (and a tad fattening) brunch food. The lady of the house makes something particularly yummy and life-shortening called "monkey bread", which we devoured with such voracity that I'm pretty sure we'll all need insulin shots within the week.

That means I lasted about 6 weeks of an extremely low carb existence. Mind you, I've been sliding slowly back to the land of breads and sugars this past week, with the unavoidable Christmas drunkenness and the occasional bite of cake. But otherwise I've been pretty strong. I feel pretty gross right now, though, and need to wash it all back with a litre of Metamucil!

The gastric adventure coincided with my first exposure to an episode of The Biggest Loser, that American reality show in which a bunch of fat people compete to lose pounds. I found the show ver very troubling. Here are a few observations:

  • The show advances the belief that most fat people are just mentally weak. While I certainly subscribe to the school of thought that most people lack discipline, and that discipline is one of the surest paths to success in almost all aspects of life, there is a bit of wiggle room when it comes to extreme weight gain: mental health issues, metabolic diseases, poor nutritional education, insufficient access to proper foods and scheduling demands that prevent proper shopping and exercise among them.
  • I suspect that the show deliberately selects for contestants whose weight issues are discipline based, allowing them to promote their boot camp mentality and further propagate the above belief.
  • The show promotes weight loss as the end all and be all of fitness. This is perhaps the most dangerous of its failings. It's easy, for example, for a large muscular man to lose weight quickly. If he focuses on aerobic activity and ignores hydration, he will drop muscle mass and water weight very quickly. This is not healthy weight loss. There are many more acceptable metrics of progress:
  1. Inches (or centimetres) around the waist.
  2. Pinchable fat at the belly, hips and triceps.
  3. Body tissue electrical resistance, a proxy measurement for body fat ratio.
  4. Body mass index.
  5. Energy levels and psychological disposition.
  6. Serum cholesterol, blood pressure, arterial inflammation and cardiac enzymes.
  7. Clothing size!
  8. Physical fitness benchmarks

So far, I am not impressed by this show. Maybe I'll give it a few more viewings.

Labels: , ,

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Arse

On a whim at 3:AM, after one too many solitary glasses of wine, I decided to do a Google image search of the word "arse". This is the first result. Meh.

And EK Hornbeck sends us the following. Apparently, it's a real ad:



And DL in NZ points us to a fun "gay" blog that features drawrings. (And no I don't mean "drawings".)

That is all. You may return to what you were doing.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Happy Ho Ho


After months of inactivity, I finally have a new column over at the MicroSoft Canada website. Go look. That's all for today. Sorry.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Purge

I'm a single, heterosexual man (despite rumours to the contrary) who is a very busy professional without much time or patience for traditional avenues of courtship. Thus, I am quite open about the extent to which I have relied upon internet dating services over the past many years. Indeed, whenever I've found myself suddenly single, my first refuge has tended to be to the 'Net, where I find available a whole world of women a keyboard a way, without having to slap on the Hai Karate and troll the local bars. (This is despite my standard line, "I'm not a real doctor; I just play one in singles bars.")

On occasion, the practice has found me genuine love. Sometimes, it has found me something masquerading as love or, shall we say, temporary, convenient love. And most often, it has found me either some good friends or a lot of rudeness/weirdness. Whatever. Like anything else, it has its ups and downs.

Today, however, I decided to file through my memory and figure out exactly what sites I have used over my long dating career, and to pare them back. See, sites come and go, and many don't last past a few months of popularity. They're sort of like night clubs in that sense. Ironic, no?

I spent the day deleting profiles. I hadn't realized I'd joined so many over the years! Most of them I'd never actually used beyond the first visit. But their nature is such that you can't even browse them without first becoming a member. The most frustrating part in this purge has been how difficult it has been to delete profiles. Some sites don't actually allow you to do so; you can only hide them. This, of course, gave me licence to write some nasty letters to site administrators. The nerve.

Then I decided to try a little experiment. I value education highly in my friends and potential mates. Formal education has been a hallmark of my life, after all, and the promulgation of higher education is now my career! So on one very popular site, I decided to do a global Canada-wide search of all women who claim to have a PhD or doctoral degree. And hilarity ensued!

About half of them were under 22 years old. Either these are all brilliant savants or prodigies, outright liars, or they mistake a PhD for a "poser hatin' degree". At least one of those, upon closer inspection, was clearly a prostitute. Now, that doesn't mean she couldn't be a brilliant savant and a prostitute. But I think the odds are against it.

Of the remaining 50% of our doctoral cuties --those over 22 years of age-- about three quarters could not spell correctly the discipline for which they supposedly received their advanced standing. Most common was the ubiquitous and popular field of "Psycology" [sic]. Up next was that arcane and mysterious discipline, "Phymacy" [sic].

Peppered among them (and indeed throughout about half of dating profiles I've perused in my time) is the ubiquitous use of the word "women" as a singular instead of a plural. For example: "I am a women who enjoys blah blah blah." What up wit dat?

We shan't comment on the remaining two candidates who could spell adequately. (Yes, two.) They are each fine women, I'm sure, just not my type. There are those among you who will assume that they each had more than 4 cats apiece. I will neither confirm nor deny such speculations. For the record, I own no cats. But I do have eight computers, an X-Box, a complete Rock Band kit and two Guitar Hero guitars. And I know pretty much everything there is to know about both Bruce Lee and Star Trek. According to some, that's the male equivalent of having 4 cats.


In Other News....

How's this for Pullitzer-worthy photos? A Chinese ship successfully fought off Somali pirates using Molotov cocktails. While they battled for their lives, one of their less useful shipmates took photographs.

Lastly, here's a pic of the world's strongest dog. This is not photoshopped. It's a real dog living in Victoria, BC. Read about her here.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Porter Airlines Continues to Rock

How much does Porter Airlines rock? I was scheduled to fly from Ottawa to Toronto today at 2:30pm. Yesterday, at 2pm, Porter calls me up to say that a big snowstorm is about to hit Toronto, and they'd like to offer me the option of flying out that very night, with no change penalties attached.

I jumped at it. I ran home, packed as quickly as I could, then dragged my enormous bag (all with a bulging 4th lumbar disc, mind you) 20 minutes through the snow to the Lord Elgin Hotel, where I awaited the airport shuttle.

Now, you must understand that Ottawa is gripped with a transit strike, on top of a crap load of unexpected snow. So the streets are packed with atypical drivers and taxis are nowhere to be seen. Miraculously, an airport limo drives by and asks me if I'd like a ride. (These limos usually cannot pick up fares; they only deliver from the airport). I jumped at it.

Miraculously, in what is usually a 20 minute drive, we made it to the airport in just over an hour. The airport shuttle was nowhere to be seen, mind you. (I was later told that it is running three hours late.) I rushed to the Porter check out counter with two hours to spare before my 7pm flight.... and those lovely Porter people told me that if I wanted to leave for Toronto right away they would waive the change fee yet again!

So within three hours of getting that emergency phone call from Porter, they had me snug and safe in Toronto. Right now, the predicted snowstorm rages outside my window, and I'm sure the airports are shut down for the day. Hats off to you, Porter!

One of the side effects of living in Ottawa, land of much cold and crappy public transit, is that now that I'm in Toronto, I don't think twice about trudging through a blizzard to take the subway downtown. My parents are horrified that I would venture forth in this weather, but they clearly do not appreciate the relative luxury of an underground subway system!

In Other News...

Darth Vadum sends us the following corporate logos, altered to reflect today's changing economic climate:







Next, here's a fun game for the whole family! See if you can hit George W. Bush with a shoe!

Lastly, as reproduced from my Facebook note, here's some sad news (it's an Internet meme, so don't be congratulating me on my cleverness... though I am pretty clever):


Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.


Off to the weekend!

Labels: ,

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Boss Whaaaa?!

As everyone knows by now, Muntadar al-Zeidi, an Iraqi journalist, threw a shoe at the Commander in Chimp, George W. Bush:



My first reaction: Wow, Bush actually has some pretty good reflexes! That dude would have beaned me right between the eyes!

Interestingly, the pro-Bush set has been spinning this affair as a triumph of US-style Western democracy. Faux News, the Western Standard and even my internet friend Rondi see a deep comparison here between the post-Us invasion Iraq and the Saddam era Iraq. They argue that Saddam would have "disappeared" the dude, tortured then executed him. Bush, meanwhile, waved away his personal security and let Iraqi security usher the gentleman away. In a Western democracy, you see, we have the freedom to dissent.

Well, the story does not end there. The dude disappeared. In this article, we see a photo of his son holding up a picture of his father, with that classic, "where is he?" sad look on his face.

Then came word that the dude was being held in military custody since, you know, his crime was one of armed insurrection.

Then we heard that the tosser was being beaten (i.e., tortured) in custody. Shades of Saddam, anyone?

Today we learn that Shoe Tossing Dude finally was seen by a judge and charged (and seemingly convicted) of the crime of "insulting a foreign leader".

So... if he had thrown a shoe at Saddam, would he be dead today? Quite possibly. So in that sense the pro-Bushites are correct. On the other hand, it's not like he was given a lawyer, released on his own recognizance and ordered to return to be arraigned. No, he was thrown into a military jail and beaten.

But on the third hand... (or as we skiffy nerds say, "on the gripping hand") let's not forget why he threw the shoe in the first place. It was because he (and I, and billions of others around the world) hold Bush personally responsible for the unnecessary deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis. So let's not forget Chimpzilla's war crimes as we sink in a huff over whether Saddam would have killed a shoe tosser. Bush deserves more than a shoe tossed at him; he deserves a subpoena and a jail cell in the Hague.

Speaking of Shrub Jr, check this out:

BUSH: One of the major theaters against al Qaeda turns out to have been Iraq. This is where al Qaeda said they were going to take their stand. This is where al Qaeda was hoping to take-

RADDATZ: But not until after the U.S. invaded.

BUSH: Yeah, that's right. So what? The point is that al Qaeda said they're going to take a stand. Well, first of all in the post-9/11 environment Saddam Hussein posed a threat. And then upon removal, al Qaeda decides to take a stand.

So what?! What a fucking meat head.

In Other News...

From EK Hornbeck we have this trailer from a real movie. So don't nobody be accusing me of the racism!



Can you believe it? Oy vey!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Links 'R' Us

From D.L.'s Facebook page, here are "6 insane discoveries that science can't explain". Forget that it comes from Cracked magazine. The examples are pretty interesting. They left out some gems, though, like the Piri Reis map, made famous by Gavin Menzies, and the mysterious Yonaguni underwater relics, which you can see in this video:



Also from Cracked, here are the 7 dumbest things done by airport security.

Next up, care for a brief primer on a particular aspect of one of my favourite historical eras, the Great Game? About.com has a nice summary of the British army's experiences in Afghanistan during this period.

Dig this, various ex-girlfriends! Apparently, snorers burn more calories! Ha! Reminds me of this blog post.

And for no reason:

Labels:

Monday, December 15, 2008

What? Work?

I've got so many things I want to blog about --the ascension of Michael Ignatieff to the leadership of Canada's Liberal Party, the possibility of military intervention in Zimbabwe, the misuse of the word "sarcasm" on dating profiles-- that the possibilities are endless!

But, see, I gave away my TV to my mother last week and I suddenly find myself unable to properly procrastinate tonight. Gasp! I feel like working! So that's what I'm going to do.

In the mean time, I want to alert you to four things. First, is this ridiculous CBC "show" called "Being Erica", which masquerades as a video blog. Man, I hate stuff like that.

Second is this video from The Other Ray of a 67 year old dude demonstrating a work-out regimen that would make you and I vomit and pass out. He's my new hero:



Third, from EK Hornbeck comes an expose about the prevalence of fake university degrees.
Um...uh.... no comment.

Finally, I leave you with a video of a lecture I attended two years ago by Nobel laureate Amartya Sen... just to prove I'm not all about just old man work-outs and dead pin-up models. To access the video, click here.

Labels: ,

Sunday, December 14, 2008

If Bettie Page Had Lived...

...Today, she'd be doing duets with... Oh never mind. RIP, Bettie. You made my world just a little bit better.


In other news...

From DL's Facebook page, here's a list of some of the weirdest animals on Earth. The goblin shark is particularly, um, problematic.

Here's a report on how George Bush, in his final days in office, is working extra hard to make sure we're all fucked. These seem relevant:




Lastly, today's Daily Perv Link is all about chickens. And you know what they call a male chicken, right?

Labels: , ,

Saturday, December 13, 2008

if John Lennon Had Lived...

....today he'd be doing duets with Sting and Brian Adams. Think about it.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Ottawa Sucks

Ottawa sucks sometimes. Often. Most of the time. Always.

We are snowed in under a crapload of snow and the bus drivers' union decides now is a good time to go on strike. Now, I am in favour of unions, but sometimes (often; most of the time; always) they're not so much interested in protecting workers' rights as they are in protecting their outmoded privileges.

I don't really care why the bus drivers are striking. I only know that they have chosen a moment calculated to cause the most amount of pain to people they should be courting as allies: the common folk. I make no exaggeration when I suggest to you that, given the weather and resulting traffic issues, this bus strike may well end up taking someone's life. A colleague has already told me of her disabled husband's horrible experience sloshing a mile in the deathly cold, falling many times on the way, when the bus routes shut down without warning.

Myself, I booked out a vrtucar for the day earlier in the week and promptly found myself stuck in an intersection. Luckily, three younger and fitter Ottawans, armed with shovels, immediately ran to my assistance, digging me out and pushing me out of the way. I was overwhelmed with gratitude.

The same day, however, I saw a whole lot of dickish behaviour from drivers. I think the general quality of drivers, in terms of their skill level and overall appreciation for their role in society, has declined steadily over the years.

Here's a site dedicated to it.

In other news, Darth Vadum reminds us of this classic:



It makes me giggle 'cause the dude looks so much like EK Hornbeck having an aneurysm.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

The Goddamn Batman


I don't know why. It just seemed appropriate.

First up today: check out Barack Obama's random act of kindness. The man continues to impress.

From EK Hornbeck comes two interesting links. First up, our old friend Russel Smith tells us about outsourcing to India for.... grammar and writing services. Not too surprising, for a variety of reasons.

Next up, as EK puts it, "So much for the 11th commandmant -- 'thou shalt not speak ill of a fellow conservative...'" as he points us to this Washington Times article blaming Harper for Canada's recent governmental crisis. If you don't know, the Washington Times is a very right wing paper owned by the Moonies. Weird but true. Some key quotes from the editorial:

"Mr. Harper is now attempting to deflect blame for a crisis that he created..."

"If his government does not have the votes to carry out its initiatives, he should face the music in the House of Commons..."

"Mr. Harper's decision to reopen old wounds in Canada's already-fractured political landscape bespeaks an appalling lack of tact."

Some more EK Hornbeck bits... (the man has been busy). First, news from Italy that Berlusconi plans to "regulate the Internet". Aieeee! Regulation is bad enough. Regulation by an Italian president? Aieee!

Apparently Barack Obama's African grandfather was tortured by British soldiers for his supposed association with the Mau Mau. One hopes that this familial history will give the incoming President a saner view of the complexities of guilt-by-association in the developing world context, and of the horrors of torture in particular.

Lastly, EK sends us this laughable little bit about the UK Foreign Office putting on a show about "human rights". What they need is a visit from the Goddamn Batman.

Now, everyone has been sending me this article about the decline of the male animal. Yes, it's true. Epidemiologically, there's been an observation that biological "maleness" has been on the decline for some years now. It probably has to do with environmental contamination, too many hormones in our food, overuse of phytoestrogenic soy products and overuse of the female contraceptive pill, which releases female hormones into the water supply. And you wonder why I'm obsessed with my muscle mass? Muscle counteracts, to some extent, the environmental estrogenic effects.

And finally.... screw the Goddamn Batman. This is a real hero.

Labels: , ,

Friday, December 05, 2008

136.6


Exactly one year ago I weighed in at just over 180 lbs. You have to believe me when I tell you that a goodly portion of this was muscle. Here's a pic from that era. Notice the manly bits which are now, sadly, all gone. My arms are now twigs.

I delved into the deep, murky world of vegetarianism about 6 months ago, and quickly lost about 40 lbs. I fear it was mostly muscle loss. By the time I got to Guyana last month, the high carb diet had layered a few rolls of fat onto my midsection, and I weighed in at the Georgetown airport (yes, they weighed us for the bush plane) at just over 160 lbs.

When I got back just over 2 weeks ago, I ventured onto a severe low carb diet. The meat was back on the menu, but all sources of sugar were removed, which also means all processed carbohydrates: rice, pasta, breads, etc. All I've been eating is meat, cheese, soy milk and green vegetables. And I've been eating a LOT.

Well, this morning I stepped onto my chiropractor's well calibrated scale, fully clothed except for shoes. I am now 136.6 lbs, the lightest I've been since junior high school, I think.

Wow: 136.6 pounds. That means that I can once again bench press my body weight :-)

Now, I know there are those among you who believe that rapid weight loss is unhealthy, and that diets don't work because the pounds come back on. But you must realize that there is good weight loss and bad weight loss. When most people throw themselves into diets, they lose fat, yes, but they also lose protein and healthy tissues, which their body needs. Eventually, their bodies will seek to reconstitute that healthy tissue through whatever caloric means they can, thus eliciting the rapid weight gain.

But if you're careful to only lose fat, the weight gain need not happen. The idea behind a temporary and intense low carb diet is to brush up against ketosis without actually getting there. My blood sugar drops dramatically, but is replenished by the metabolism of my fat. Thus, I'm confident that I'm losing mostly --if not entirely-- fatty tissue, and not healthy tissue.

I feel great, alert and energetic. And I eat all the bloody time.

I suspect I will approach a state of semi-ketosis in another week, and I don't want to get there. So the more complex processed carbs will come back in then, probably in the form of pasta once a week. But the sugars need to stay off.

Anyway, that's what's going on in my body. If anyone cares.

Labels: ,

Thursday, December 04, 2008

I'm Pro-Rogue but Anti-Prorogue

Image taken from TheHammer.ca.

The Canadian Parliament may soon be "prorogued". Proroguing was meant to ensure that MPs get a break once their work is done and the government has no more pressing business to attend to. It was not meant as a last minute pardon for a derelict Prime Minister desperate to hang on to fleeting power.

By doing so, Harper effectively prevents a vote of non-confidence, and thus the dissolution of his power. It's been argued that the formation of a coalition government is "un-democratic". I disagree, for reasons put forward in my last post. But using an obscure rule of Parliament to prevent elected MPs from working, simply to cling to power? Now that is un-democratic.

As Nasty Nicky B. put it, Harper is "peroguing" Parliament.

What remains to be seen is whether the Governor General will accede to his wishes.

Already, the misdirections are beginning. I cannot stress this enough: Canadians must learn how their government works. We are not the USA. American media so permeates this place that everyone assumes we have Congressmen rather than MPs, and "Secretaries" rather than "Ministers". Right now it's more crucial than ever before.

Despite what Harper said on TV last night, Canadians did not elect him and his Conservatives a mandate to govern. Mr. Dion is correct when he said that Canadians gave every elected MP a mandate to represent. Canadians do not elect a government, we elect a Parliament. Every MP in that House, regardless of party affiliation, has the same right and responsibility to try to form a functional government. And if a functioning or non-representative government results, then every MP has a right and responsibility to disassemble that government and form a new one from within their ranks; permission from the electorate is not required, either legally or morally.

It is the most democratic thing in the world to seek to form a government that represents the majority. End of story. And yes, I would say the same thing if it were a Liberal minority being taken down by a Conservative-led coalition.


In Other News...

I'm giving a public talk on Climate Change and Global Health tomorrow (Friday) night at Roger Guindon Hall, amphitheatre B, University of Ottawa. Refreshments (and oh how refreshing they will be) will be served t 4pm, but the talky talky begins at 5pm. Also on the agenda is Dr David Fisman, whom I gather is a real expert, while I'm just a poser. So please come if you can! It promises to be interesting, if only because I'll be stoned on muscle relaxants for my back!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Coup D'Etat?

Ohhh my back! Anyone out there got a cure for SI joint disorder? Anyone? Bueller.

I spent some time this weekend scanning old photos. I found a few gems from my youth. Here's me at age 10. It seems I've always been a handsome devil:


All right, to business. Dawn in New Zealand sent me an anxious email wondering what's happening with Canada's government. See, we are days away from an historic moment in Canada, in which the ruling minority government (Stephen Harper's Conservatives) might be toppled in favour of a coalition government led by Stephane Dion's Liberals. To my knowledge, this would be the first time this has happened in this country. Note that the Conservatives "won" the last election and gained the right to form their government less than two months ago.

Some people are calling this a coup d'etat. Well, it isn't. In Canada, unlike the USA, we do not have a Presidential system; we have a Parliamentary system. This means that Canadians do not elect a government. We elect a Parliament, and Parliament then self-organizes into a government, under the direction of the Governor General, who "rules" in place of the British Queen. (See, kids, Canada is a constitutional monarchy, which means we ostensibly get our marching orders from the monarchy... the British monarchy.)

Parliament usually organizes the government out of the party that won the plurality of seats. In the last election, this was the Conservatives. However, it must be acknowledged that in a minority government --particularly one formed in a first-past-the-post system-- the majority of Canadians did not vote for the rulers. In our present case, about 40% of the voters and seats belong to the ruling Conservatives, which means that about 60% of voters and seats would not like to see them in power.

The advantage of a Parliamentary system is that it supposedly compels diplomatic government, especially in times of minority rule. Stephen Harper, experienced from his previous run as a minority Prime Minister, is then advised to make policy in such a way that he maintains the confidence of the House. This is why I like minority governments: they tend to assure that no one party gets to push its ideology down our throats.

But, as one observer put it, Stephen Harper's weakness is that he cannot resist an exposed jugular. His mortal enemies, the Liberal party, were down and out and facing a leadership crisis. Harper saw this moment of weakness as an opportunity to deliver the killing blow by reforming the party financing system, effectively limiting Liberal money. In doing so, he also failed to rapidly bring to court a viable plan to address the prevailing policy crisis, the decaying world economy.

In short, Harper was ruling as if he had a majority, something he did in his last term, as well. When a minority Prime Minister does so, it's usually because he recognizes that his opposition fears an election. Sure enough, if the nation were to go to the polls again, the Conservatives would either win another minority or maybe even squeak out a majority. So he felt confident in brandishing his virility about the House.

What he did not count on was our Parliamentary system working the way it's supposed to. If the House loses confidence in a minority government, it can either call for an election or --cue dramatic music-- suggest a new organization of government. And the latter is what they plan to do, as early as this coming Monday.

Between the three of them, the Liberals, NDP and Bloc have enough seats to constitute a majority coalition government, probably under the leadership of the more powerful Liberals. If a vote on any issue is called by the government, and the government loses, then it's called a vote of "non-confidence." That is, Parliament has lost confidence in the government, and the Governor General is empowered to act, either to call an election or to allow a new conformation of government. It's the Governor General's call, one of her few duties that is not entirely ceremonial. She gets to decide whether this "coup" actually occurs.

Harper has one card up his sleeve: he can refuse to allow a vote on Monday, delaying his possible execution. The only reason for doing so is to give him time to prepare a real economic plan, or maybe to get his soldiers in line so he can call an election in January on his own terms. Either way, it makes him look weak and sneaky.

As for the Liberals, debate is already ensuing as to who would be Prime Minister. Canadians already rejected Stephane Dion in the last election, and he is exiting as leader, thus is it right that he be ordained as an un-elected Prime Minister? Once more, internal Liberal nonsense threatens their potential grab for power --something the Conservatives will exploit.

An added drama is that the Conservatives have revealed recorded evidence that the NDP, at least, had planned this coalition months ago. (This is not unusual, since I would hope that every non-ruling party would have gamed such strategies at some point.) But now criminal proceedings may start, as many wonder how the Conservatives came by this protected information, a recorded phone conversation.

What do I want? I want Harper to see the error of his ways and learn from this rebuke. I want him to broker a cease-fire behind the scenes and promise to govern from the middle, not the far Right. I want him to stay in power and own this bad economy.

My fear is that Canadians won't understand this weird bit of Parliamentary juggling, and will reflexively rally behind the Conservatives as a result. If the coaltion fracks this up, it will mean a massive Conservative majority next time.