More About The Swine That Flew

One of Google Image hits from a search for "sick pig"
Yesterday's Swine Flu post got a lot of attention, and I'm still fielding many questions. The Maytree Foundation's DiverseCity Voices project, of which I'm a member, issued the following blurb on their e-alert today:

"From the Swine Flu to SARS, global health specialist, professor, author and journalist Dr. Raywat Deonandan is available for comment on the societal and public health impacts of infectious disease outbreaks."

As of today, the global distribution of Swine Flu cases looks like this:



Unsurprisingly, the cases are clustered in North America and in other OECD nations, which suggests two things: cases are still predominantly people who have traveled to Mexico; or, cases in non-OECD nations have not been detected due to lesser surveillance methods. I do hope it's the former.

After my very calming and conservative post yesterday, I thought it best to now talk a little about the potential threats posed by the disease. This seems reasonable, given that President Obama has announced $1.8 billion to protect Americans from the flu, and that California's Governor Schwarzenegger has declared a state of emergency in his state, for the purposes of receiving more funds for pandemic preparation. Indeed, I'm sorry my back condition prevents me from attending the City of Ottawa's pandemic forum next Tuesday, where their pandemic preparation plan will be unveiled and discussed.

Our PM Harper has declared that we in Canada are doing all we can to prepare for pandemic flu. I believe this is true. Canada has one of the better flu response plans among OECD countries. Our experience with SARS forced us to take this seriously. One of my consulting gigs was to help the CPHA develop an educational plan for family doctors regarding pandemic flu, and another looked at whether a certain class of drugs could be used as prophylaxes in the case of widespread outbreaks. Canada has some pretty good protocols in place, including management and legal frameworks to fast track into production vaccine shots for every Canadian. In fact, we keep a steady supply of hens and eggs just for this very task. (Flu vaccine is incubated in chicken eggs, which is why people with egg allergies should avoid them.)

Even with all this excellent preparation, it's important to note that a vaccine is only possible once the virus strain has been adequately identified, and assuming it's not mutating so fast that a vaccine no longer has any traction. Moreover, vaccine production takes weeks, if not months. Add to that the time for packaging, distribution and the time for the recipient's biological response to the vaccine to take effect, and it's clear that rapid vaccination production is not a perfect solution for a very fast moving and lethal airborne pathogen.

See, this is a big deal. Kind of. Even if nothing comes of this infection, to be prepared for a big one is vital. We've all been waiting for the return of the 1918 Spanish Flu. Heroic efforts by the much maligned WHO have quashed several potential pandemics of avian flu over the years. But you just never know which pandemic strain will be the one that takes that important mutative step to become a worldwide plague. So it's best to always err on the side of caution --but not of panic.

This is sort of why everyone is freaking out. Let's remember that the 1918 Spanish flu simply devastated the developed world, and was very much unlike our annual flu pandemics in that it was taking out people in the prime of their lives (20-44 year olds). Usually, the flu only has a fatal effect on the very old, very young, or the weak. The current strain of swine flu appears to have the same demographic preference... which is not to say that the old and weak are safe, but rather that the young and strong are a little more vulnerable than they (we?) currently believe ourselves to be.

This has implications for care, as hospitals may tend to not treat young, healthy people for flu symptoms, and focus on the elderly and infirm. This may in fact be a cause of some of the heightened fatality rates coming out of Mexico: it's a function of care, not of disease virulence.

For the last couple of decades, we've been obsessed with avian flu from East Asia being the likely candidate for the Next Great Pandemic. H5N1, as it is called, has a serious fatality rate (about 50% of humans infected die). But outside of a few poultry farmers, the disease has not managed to mutate its way into the general population. That H1N1, pig based, from Mexico has jumped into the milieu kind of took everyone by surprise, even though the same bug freaked out the USA in 1976. There is strong evidence that the 1918 Spanish flu was also of the H1N1 variant, but is not the exact same disease.

What then am I trying to say? Again, I stress calmness. With only a handful of cases in this country, all contained and mild, there's no reason to fear your neighbour. BC has reported the first human-to-human transmission in this country, which is not a good thing. But the excellent public health platform of that province has it under wraps.

What we should be worried about, I believe, is whether this strain of H1N1 makes it East Asia or the more crowded centres of the Middle East. There, if it infects someone who already has been exposed to a variant of H5N1, then there emerges a chance that the two strains will swap DNA and become something significantly more virulent. Or not.

So in many ways, we are lucky that the disease has found footing first predominantly in well developed nations, where public health infrastructure can best help to stomp into out, lest it seep into the well of more H5N1 endemic zones.

Fascinating, no? Let's keep watching to see what happens. For a better discussion of the issues than I can provide, check out this article.


In Other News...

Apparently Barbie has turned 50. Darth Vadum sends us this appropriate video of this new era of Barbie's life:

Cougar Barbie


Meanwhile, Cousin Ajay sends us the following tasering video. Warning: you will find this either really hilarious or really disturbing, or both. A flamboyant naked man resists policemen's orders to clothe himself, then physically resists their attempts to cuff him, so they tase him publicly and repeatedly:



It's an interesting case. On the one hand, he really was physically resisting the lawful orders of police. On the other hand, at the end of the day, he was tased for being naked. Is being naked worthy of a tasing?

Of course, the real story here is why is a man with the smallest penis in the world so eager to display it to everyone?

Lastly, you've probably noticed that I've disabled the Daily Twitter function on this blog. I'm going to try to post Weekly Twitter updates manually instead. Hope that'll stop all yer whinin'.

Back When Swine Flew

I'm an epidemiologist, a word derived from "epidemic", which means that I'm supposed to know something about diseases. This past week, several people have approached me for "expert" commentary on the emerging swine flu pandemic. The university has asked me if I'm comfortable enough with the topic to field inquiries from the media, and the Maytree Foundation has asked me to offer an official statement, also for media digestion. As well, concerned friends have been asking for advice on how to protect themselves.

I'm wary of misrepresenting my expertise. A few years ago, I wrote an article for The Toronto Star called "Are We Overdue For A Pandemic?" It garnered so much attention that CBC Newsworld invited me to go on-air to be interviewed by Evan Solomon. Uncharacteristically responsible, I told them that I am not a flu expert, but rather a global health generalist, and that I could only discuss the issue on those terms. They thanked me for my honesty and retracted the offer.

The same day, CanWest Global called with a similar offer. I told them the same thing. The producer then asked me, "Are you good looking?"

"Um," I said, "My mother thinks so."

"Can you be controversial?"

"Sure," I said, thinking about all the penis jokes I could offer.

"Then come on down!"

So I went down to the Global "studios" in Ottawa to be interviewed remotely by Bruce Dowbiggin in Hamilton. It was quite a farce. I was on with Donald Low and a couple of other experts in what quickly devolved into a WHO-bashing session. The "studio" was me standing in the middle of the Global TV offices, alone with an unmanned camera and a wonky microphone and earpiece, with no local producer or technician to guide me, and no monitor to show me what was going on in the Hamilton studio, but with a buzz of unconcerned office drones scribbling away behind me in their cubicles.

My audio cut off early into the segment, and I spent the rest of the time looking like a mute doofus, tapping my ear in frustration. After 15 minutes of that, with no one telling me whether the segment had ended, I just took off my earpiece and went home.

I don't think I'll be doing Global TV again anytime soon.

Thus, with the current flu panic, I am loathe to stretch my expertise too thin, lest I find myself knee deep in another media travesty. Having said that, I thought I'd put up one token blog post to summarize what little I know about the current swine flu epidemic.

If you're an old codger like me, you may remember the first big swine flu scare in 1976. Panicky public health officials convinced President Gerald Ford to push for a widespread vaccination programme across the USA, for fear that another 1918 pandemic was imminent. (The 1976 virus was believed to be closely related to the 1918 strain). Well, the side effects of the vaccine --predominantly Guillain-Barre Syndrome-- ended up hurting more people than did the flu itself.

For history's sake, here's a PSA from 1976 advertising the swine flu vaccine:



The current strain of swine flu is a new strain that, I believe, is unrelated to the 1976 variety. Today we have reports of the first death in the USA, while Canada's tally holds at 13 cases, but no fatalities.

These numbers are to be expected. They are the result of travelers returning from the endemic zone of Mexico. As far as I can tell from news reports, there have been no cases in Canada of someone contracting the disease from someone who has just returned from Mexico. This means that the system is working as it should: those returning from Mexico with the disease are being quarantined and treated... for the most part.

The fatality rate thus far is about 5-7% (which is actually higher than the 2.5% rate of the world-changing pandemic of 1918). Also, the cases in Canada have all been of the mild variety, which means there is a reasonable expectation of full recovery for each case. This is not the Bubonic Plague. In other words, if current controls are kept in place, there is every expectation that our very thorough and professional public health infrastructure will keep civilization quite safe from this disease.

Having said that, it is too late to fully contain the disease. It is already among the population. But its mildness suggests that most people contracting it will recover on their own. Flu viruses tend to mutate very quickly. If an individual is infected with several viruses simultaneously, those viruses may swap DNA and become something new. With more infections in the population, there is an increased chance of a virus mutating into something really lethal... or into something quite banal and barely noticeable.

Let's not forget the killer bees scare of the 1970s. Back then, there was genuine panic that as the killer bees migrated north from Brazil, they would destroy scores of people, animals and infrastructure as they went. But as the interbred with tamer species, by the time they reached the northern climes, they were barely noticed. The same is always possible with varieties of influenza: with greater mutation and DNA exchange, there's always the chance the predominant strain will be something quite manageable.

Every flu pandemic is compared to the 1918 Spanish Flu, which killed so many people in the prime of their lives that it is thought to have contributed to the stoppage of World War I. As the current swine flu is actually more fatal than the 1918 variety, there is cause for concern. But the world today is much different from that of 100 years ago. In terms of disease threats, we now have a great many more people, each of whom represents a possible vector for disease. We also have a lot more international travel and a lot faster travel. This means that a voyage from Mexico City to Toronto actually takes less time than the incubation period for most diseases --a far cry from the situation in 1918.

On the other hand, we also have a great many advantages today. We have a remarkable communications infrastructure, which allows us to know of outbreaks everywhere in the world, pretty much as it happens. Combined with our much more advanced public health system, we caqn then theoretically marshall resources rapidly in preparation for anticipated stressors on our health care system.

Lastly, today we have technologies for treating the flu which were not available in 1918. In Canada, our hygiene options are much greater than they were 100 years ago when many more people lived in agricultural environments with limited access to fresh water and indoor plumbing. We have hospitals with quarantine protocols and the experience of SARS to guide us. And we have superdrugs, like neuraminidase inhibitors (that I did some work on), which can serve as both prophylaxis and treatment for many varieties of influenza.

So it looks as if we are in a very good position to avoid a major influenza pandemic.

Frankly, though, I don't know. No one knows. The next few days will tell the tale. Is the epidemic outside of Mexico dying off, or is it yet to fully manifest? I think it's foolish to give an opinion one way or another.

As for what we can do to protect ourselves, just do what your mother told you: wash your hands, sneeze into your elbow pits, don't touch your face or mucous membranes before washing first, avoid extremely crowded areas (like sporting events, theatres, etc) and keep yourself in good health to maintain a robust immune system. You can do the latter by practicing good daily health: eat fresh foods, particularly fruits and vegetables; enjoy moderate exercise regularly; get lots of sleep; drink lots of fluids; avoid stress; practice basic hygiene; and avoid unhealthy products like alcohol, tobacco and preservatives.

Oh, and don't worry about pork products. That's just ridiculous. The food chain is safe from this particular disease. I avoid pork for an entirely different reason: eating pig is just gross.

Wasn't Arthrotec Some Kind of Japanese Cartoon Robot?

Being laid up at home with a bad back has compelled me to download and watch a LOT of TV, even though I gave away my TV set 4 months ago in an attempt to wean me from the glass teat. Last night, I watched 6 straight episodes of season 2 of Celebrity Apprentice. Jesse James is my new hero! (And Melissa Rivers is just freakish.)

Last week, in full lumbar pain mode, I watched the entire 5th season of Entourage. And since I Google absolutely everything as I watch, know what I learned? That Jason Patric is the grandson of Jackie Gleason! Bet you didn't know that.

And speaking of lying on my back in lumbar pain... three cheers for Arthrotec!

And speaking of TV, Mary Ellen sends us the following photo, the only comment for which I will make is, "But in what order?"



Now, as you know, I sort of play sitar, and I've often had a fondness for a certain Guns'N'Roses song, "Sweet Child of Mine", which I actually sang aloud in India 13 years ago. Well, Sarah M. sends us this:

Indian Sweet Child of Mine

Spinal Crap

Well this has been quite the interesting week for me. Due to my herniated disc, I've been pretty much disabled, living in agony on my living room floor, unable to do the most basic tasks for myself. I have a new appreciation for the difficult lives of people with debilitating diseases. At times, the pain has been unbearable, almost driving me to tears. The strongest drugs at my disposal have done nothing, and some hours there wasn't a single position that was pain free.

I had to proctor three exams this past week, and did each while lying on the floor of the exam room, my lower back supported by either my acuball or a hot water pad. Not exactly pain free, but manageable. Actually getting to the exam room was the issue, as I limped along in blinding agony. Here are some photos I took on my cell phone while lying on the floor:





And here's a self portrait of my creepy mug trying hard not to grimace in pain while lying on the floor of the exam room:



Last night, the pain was so intense that I decided to go to the Emergency Room and request an epidural steroid. Putting on my shoes took half an hour, and was so tiring that I had to lie down to rest. Well, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep right there on the floor by my door, and never made it to the hospital. This is a good thing, since all I was looking for was a good night's sleep.

I woke up with a modicum less pain, but it was still a nightmare getting to my feet and down the street to pick up my vrtucar. See, I had to give a presentation this morning to a group of medical students going abroad. I wrote the bloody thing, in agony, while lying on the floor the night before. Luckily, I'd given several similar presentations over the past 2 years, so it was only a matter of plucking slides from existing sets.

Once again, I had to do the presentation alternating between standing, sitting, leaning, and lying on both a table and the floor. Sort of like William Shatner on The Family Guy:




Then I even managed to do a recording for a radio interview in my office, again while lying on the floor and coked up on pain killers. This horizontality is becoming my thing, I think.

By the time I got home, the drugs had all but knocked me out. I took a nap, half hanging off my bed, and awoke to.... painlessness. More or less. There are still twinges, but hallelujah, I'm no longer cursing in 4 languages and mixing narcotics. Only one way to celebrate: more narcotics!


In Other News...

A little late on the draw, but Janet Jagan, one of the people responsible for the independence of Guyana, and President of the country of my birth from 1997 to 1999, died on March 28. Some love her and some hate her, but there's no denying that she was a giant figure in the history of a tiny South American nation most people have never heard of.

Mrs. Jagan was a nice Jewish girl from Chicago. Amazingly, she found herself in a scandalous interracial marriage with Guyanese freedom hero Cheddi Jagan, a man of my racial extraction. It's a remarkable thing that this unremarkable suburban woman found herself kneedeep in the political intrigue of this hot country, eventually facing the warships of Winston Churchill, sent from Britain to topple their embryonic, Marxist government.

The movie, Thunder In Guyana, was based on her life. Frankly, I'm surprised big-money Hollywood types haven't latched onto this story.

I met Mrs. Jagan back in 2000, when she was briefly my "handler" when I was awarded a Guyana Prize for Sweet Like Saltwater. I was so nervous at the time that I didn't recognize her, and was vaguely annoyed that this old woman was trying to talk to me about her Canadian grandchildren while I was frantically trying to formulate a speech in my head.

When I realized who she was, I was quickly abashed and humbled. Now that she has passed, I am proud to have spent those few moments as her escort in the theatre. Here's the one photo I have of us:



RIP Janet Jagan, October 20, 1920 – March 28, 2009.

Daily Twitter

• 10:15 : Still lying on my back. Watched one season of Batman, 8 hours of The Stand, and one season o Entourage #
• 10:24 : Twiter haiku 84 - "No haiku today / Too much frakking lumbar pain / Suck on that, byatches!" #
• 10:45 @paleson I'll trade you a spare syllable for a new spine! #
• 14:26 : proctoring an exam for my 4th year students. The way they furrow their brows in concentration is just so adorable. #

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Daily Twitter

• 10:50 : Twitter haiku 83 - "Please, Mister doctor / Cure my herniated disc / Now, or I'll kill you" #
• 18:23 : laid up on the floor with a herniated disc, scarying myself senseless watching Stephen King's "The Stand". (Oh, and drinking. Of course.) #
• 23:12 @Voliotisa old age #

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Owwwwww!

The agony! Something happened during my tip to New Haven this past weekend to further herniate my healing L4/L5 lumbar disc. I've been horizontal on my floor, drugged up to my eyeballs, ever since. I'm toying with the idea of getting my sweet ass to the hospital for an epidural steroid. We'll see.

Owwwwww!

And because I can't go anywhere and do anything except lie on my floor and watch fuzzy videos on my computer, I now also have a permanent headache.

Owwwwww!

To help quell the pain, here are some professor-themed bits from Overheard in New York. Remember, these are real snippets of overheard conversation:

Professor: Not only will I take off points, but I will go and TP your house.
Student: It's a really long drive...
Professor: It's worth it to me.

Relaxed professor, talking about his past: When I was younger my friends and I would go to McDonald's for the fries, and Burger King for the burgers.
20-something student: My grandmother told me she did the same thing!
Relaxed professor: Yeah, we dated.

Professor: ... Immanuel Kant.
Girl #1: What's that guy's name? Cunt?
Girl #2: Kant.
Girl #1: Cunt?
Girl #2: Kant.
Girl #1: Cunt?

Professor: What is significant about the character's reaction?
Chick: Well, you can tell he's scared because he's really pale.
Professor: ...what do you mean, he's pale? It's a black and white film, they're all pale.

Puzzled student: Professor, according to the syllabus we have a paper due in a week... What's it on?
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: You have a paper due in a week? I was afraid of that!
Puzzled student: Also, according to the syllabus, we don't even have class today. There's...nothing written there.
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: Really? Huh. Well, I must have been drunk when I did that.

NYU student: I feel like the professor didn't scare me enough about the final exam y'know? So then, like, I didn't get nervous enough, so then I didn't study enough, so then I didn't do well on it, y'know? So, like, it's really my professor's fault, y'know?

Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?

Professor: Obviously, this was a very difficult sound to pronounce. Not Latin, Greek, or even Sanskrit uses it. It does not occur outside of the proto-Indo-European language.
Student: Why did they use it?
Professor: They didn't.
Student: I mean the Indo-Europeans -- if it was so difficult to pronounce, why would--
Professor, interrupting: Why the hell does anybody do anything?!

Professor: C'mon, people, we've all done it. It's called a hand job. The priestess gave the statue a hand job every morning to keep the world going.
Student: Um, how did she know when the statue finished?
Professor: Well... I guess... when the sun came up.

Latina #1: So, this professor went to Yale and shit and he, like, expects us to be Yale material.
Latina #2: I know, I be hatin' that.

Professor guy: Remember, next week's exam will cover all the material from the past three weeks.
Chick: Uh, 'scuse me? When are we going to get to the Zodiac signs?
Professor guy: Um, you do know this is astronomy and not astrology, right?

---------------------------------------

In Other News...

From Darth Vadum: a photo of Sir Richard Branson with a naked supermodel on his back. This just looks creepy.

Daily Twitter

• 16:40 : Twitter haiku 81 - "Priest in a French church / Evangelical Christian / Pastor of Paris" #
• 21:29 : Twitter haiku 82 - "I was turned away / From the First Nations diner / No reservations" #

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Daily Twitter

• 08:40 : Twitter haiku 79 - "Some classical strings / Backdrop global health lecture / Sachs and violins." #
• 00:54 : Twitter haiku 80 - "Belly getting fat / Might have something to do with / Late night bacon fest" #

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Daily Twitter

• 11:47 : Twitter haiku 78 - "Somewhere lies a ditch / Where all donkeys go to die / It's quite an ass hole" #

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Daily Twitter

• 08:47 : in Philadelphia airport, en route to New Haven. I want my bed. #
• 09:10 : Twitter haiku 76 - "Demand for haikus / Outstrips my ability / To produce good ones." #
• 09:26 : Twitter haiku 77 - "Not scared of flying / Yet something not natural / Bus hurled through the sky" #
• 14:52 @wewink what's what about? the ornery toddlers? #
• 15:16 @wewink Oh. t's genuinely about my fear of flying. Wrote it at the airport this morning. #
• 21:30 : Twitter haiku 77 - "Exploring Yale U. / I'm out of my ivy league/ Academe envy" #

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Oops, I Forgot A Title

Greetings from a Starbucks on Chapel St in New Haven, Connecticut. I'm here to attend a conference at Yale University. What a nice place! Weird how I can't find any free wifi here, though; I've been reduced to paying for wifi at a coffee shop. I'm so ashamed.

As a new professor struggling to find his footing at a 2nd tier Canadian university, I must admit to being a bit star-stricken here at this storied and ivy-draped legend of academia. How I wish I'd had the money decades ago to attend a school like this. We really do live in a classist society, wherein the trajectory of one's life is oft determined by the size of one's family's assets.

Thus it's a bit ironic that I'm here essentially to hear Jeff Sachs speak about the financial and economic basis of world poverty and ill health. Doubly ironic that Sachs' name is tainted by his associations with corporate greed, classism of the worst variety, and the nightmare of Russian economic "shock therapy".

My day begain today by oversleeping and arriving at the airport technically after the gates of my flight had closed. I was scolded by the airline dude ("I really shouldn't check you in but...") And as I was about to thank him profusely for making an exception for me, I discovered that my flight was running aan hour late. Yeah I was technically late, but I was also technically early. Asshole.

I'm checked into the Duncan Hotel, which is a 120 year old grimy building that's both dark and moldy, but is also very cheap and smack downtown, a couple of blocks from Yale. The elevator dude warned me: "We shut down the elevator after 11pm, so you'll have to take te stairs if you come in late."

"That's okay," I said. "I need the exercise."

Then he barked at me: "It ain't no laughing matter for the disabled people!" Asshole. They should really let him out of the elevator now and then.

I stopped for a giant buffalo meat burrito at a brilliant cafe called the "Corner Copia". Quite unlike me, I decided to share a table with a stranger. She was an older woman with a floral hat, crumbs about her mouth, and many possessions scattered about her. I have a habit of attracting crazy people, so I was braced for the worst.

But this woman was remarkable. She was a retired anthropologist with an incredible amount of wisdom and experience about a great many topics. She had done cutural fieldwork in Trinidad, some research on the linguistic potential of Neanderthals, had written a Chinese cookbook, and presently starting an ESL business in Asia. Her husband had been a project manager on the Apollo space flights, for Zod's sake! Given the great number of ambitionless people I've been encountering of late, it was a joy to learn of the details of this woman's life.


In Other News...



More evidence that the world is fundamentally retarded: The Pirate Bay has been found guilty. This bit of prosecutorial nonsense seems to be a case of pure vindictiveness and a rather liberal and reaching interpretation of the law. Copyrights as we know them are passe. We live in an era when we need to redefine the limits of so-called intellectual property, the assumptions underlying which are inherently philosophically problematic.

I particularly like TPB's so-called "King Kong defence", with its shades of South Parkianism.

The amazing part is that while the owners of TPB have been found guilty, there appears to be no legal compulsion to shut down the website. What a frakked up situation. So get yer torrentz while u can.

Daily Twitter

• 22:59 : Twitter haiku 75 - "Perhaps Charles Dickens / Should have been a porn writer / 'David Cop-A-Feel'" #

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Daily Twitter

• 02:17 : Twitter haiku 74 - "A broken pencil / Leaves me so apathetic / Because it's pointless" #

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Daily Twitter

• 09:28 : Twitter haiku 73 - "A carpenter's son / Is called to be a shepherd / Builds houses of sheep" #

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Daily Twitter

• 20:15 : Twitter haiku 72 - "Ornery toddlers / Like criminals on the run / Resisting a rest." #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter Follow my tweets at twitter.com/deonandan.

Moobootica and Further Douchebaggery

I don't have a TV anymore, so while visiting my parents I took the time to surf as many channels as I could. Today I came across something called bpmtv, which is ridiculous silly crap. But it did have one segment featuring the "cheesiest" dance videos of all time. Some were just atrocious. So I thought I'd share a few with you.

First up is, um, "I Need A Vacation" by Paul Lekakis:



I like how Paul adds some hot chicks to the video just to ...you know... preserve some doubt.

Next is one that is clearly intentionally ironic, but nonetheless ridiculous. It's "Biker Shorts" by Canada's Stink Mitt:



I've saved the cheesiest for last. It's by the excellently named German band Moonbootica, a song called "Roll The Dice". It's mesmerizingly atrocious in its transcendent douchebaggery:



After all that, I think we all need some ear bleach. I give it you now in the form of the wonderful Susan Boyle appearing here on "Britain's Got Talent". I implore you to watch the whole thing. It will make you happy.

TV Shows and Electric Sheep (No Dreaming Androids, Though)

Quick post today. I just watched the 2009 Easter special of Doctor Who, titled "Planet of the Dead". Ohhh, it was atrocious! As much as I love David Tennant's version of The Doctor, I'm now pleased that he's leaving the show, if this turd of an episode is what we can expect from the franchise's future.



On the other extreme is a little noticed gem on Fox TV called Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. The 2nd season finale aired earlier this week, and it seems unlikely that the show will be picked up for a 3rd season, making the episode the likely series finale. (See Skiffy.ca's review of the first season.)

Originally, I'd complained that she show has a stylistic dysfunction: everyone clearly drew their wardrobe from the same trailer. They all wear the same brand of jeans and cowboy boots. But once you're over the growing pains, Terminator benefits from one fantastic quality: it's unpredictable. This second season in particular, I had no idea where any of the story lines were headed --a rarity in American television! But the finale was singularly powerful. Its final scene, in particular, was touchingly acted with much depth and gravitas. If it really is the final moment for the whole show, then it ends on a very high note.

It's so good, in fact, that I'm not particularly intrigued by the new Terminator movie, which apparently does not adhere to the TV show's fascinating canon.


In Other News

Thanks to Richard von E. for this: LED sheep art! Must be seen to be believed.



And if sheep aren't your thing, Dawn L. sends us this and this.

Yuri and the Wonder Twins

Apparently The Wonder Twins are back, if only in toy form:



As a commenter on io9.com put it, "I especially like the Praise Satan grins they're sporting."

Now compare this new buffness and boobishness to the original:



In other news, today marks the 48th anniversary of the historic flight of Yuri Gagarin, hero of the Soviet Republic and the first human being to both enter outer space and orbit the Earth. Here's a picture of me and a couple of students, from earlier this year, in which I am sporting a Yuri Gagarin T-shirt. It was given to me by a charming and gorgeous Ukrainian woman I was dating last year, and was purchased in the Ukraine, where Gagarin's is still a household name:



It's so very sad that most people in the West today have no idea who this great man was. His accomplishment ranks up there with those of Columbus and Champlain, yet the might of American media has erased his name from our school books. I once polled my students to see how many could identify the name on my T-shirt; none could. Some even thought "Gagarin" was the name of a clothing line.

So let me set the record straight. Yuri Gagarin was the first human being in space. Yuri Gagarin was the first person to orbit the Earth. Alan Shepherd was the first American, and second human being, in space, though he only did a sub-orbital flight. The Americans didn't make orbit till the flight of John Glenn, a whole year after Gagarin. In the interim, another Soviet, Gherman Titov, became the second human to orbit the Earth, but the history books have all but forgotten his name.

If I ask people who the first woman in space was, they always answer "Sally Ride", which infuriates me no end. Sally Ride was the first American in space, and flew in 1983.

The actual first woman in space was Soviet cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova, who did the deed two decades earlier in 1963.

In fact, Ride was actually the third woman in space, beaten by a year by yet another Soviet, Svetlana Savitskaya.

The USSR may be gone, and there may have been a great many things about that regime that we find unattractive. But let's not forget that they were the ones who took the real pioneering steps in manned space exploration. Today we remember and honour Yuri Gagarin, hero of the Soviet Republic, and with him the legion of lesser known cosmonauts whose legacies do not benefit from the mighty machine of American media.

Daily Twitter

• 21:00 : Twitter haiku 68 - "Atomic butt plug: / Weapon of ass obstruction? / Just a random thought." #

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Mmmmm.... Espresso....

News from England: a girl has 7 shots of double espresso, has to go to the hospital, and is now on a campaign to warn everyone about the evils of caffeine.

Why is it that every time some dumb-ass overdoses on something banal, they then think it's their right and responsibility to preach to the rest of us --who aren't overdosing on it-- about how horrible a thing the banal item we aren't abusing is?

And why is that the preceding sentence is so poorly constructed? I blame the double espresso I just had.

Meanwhile, religious groups are pissed about losing their rights to deny the rights of others. Seriously. Leads us to this.

That's all I gots for you today... except to add that Deonandan.com is now up to version 4.0! Yayyy, I'm a big boy!

Filler

Every week crusty newspaperman EK Hornbeck sends me further reports of classic old newspapers going bust. The internet is killing traditional print media! But what to do? Here's an idea forwarded to us from Cousin Ajay. It's from Saving Newspapers: The Musical:



So I saw Watchmen. It's not for everyone, but of course I enjoyed it. EK Hornbeck sends us this disturbing bit of Watchmen-related news.

Hey remember my trip to India a couple of years ago? It seems my lecture at JNU (Nehru University) in New Delhi is listed under "distinguished visitors" on the university's website. Apparently I'm a "renowned Canadian writer". If only Canadians thought so!

Meanwhile, JJ sends us this entertaining talk from TED by Elizabeth Gilbert on "genius". Yes, this is the woman who wrote, Eat, Pray, Love, that annoying book that pops up on every reading list of every woman whose profile I've browsed on a dating site.

Daily Twitter

• 09:59 : Twitter haiku 67 - "Undergrad students / So whiny, I go cross-eyed / Can't control pupils" #

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At Least It's Not High In Cholesterol.... Oh Wait, It Is.

First off, from Dawn we get....



From Chamika comes news that the old 1960s Spiderman shows are now available free online. Speaking of Spidey, Nasty Nicky B sends us this.

Meanwhile, don't get me started on this guy.

Special Ed sends us this list of the top 20 all time heroes of pop culture. James T Kirk only made #12. Bastards.

From Darth Vadum we get news that blow jobs can cause throat cancer. Or at least that's my boil-down from the very vague article. The BBC article states that [men and women with newly diagnosed throat cancer] who had evidence of prior oral HPV infection had a 32-fold increased risk of throat cancer. Of course they didn't specify whether we're talking about fellatio or cunnilingus here, and that might make all the difference. To the article's credit, they made no causal links, since this is an associative study. But still, causation is fun. And that's what blogs are for.

Daily Twitter

• 09:46 Owww! vVisa card pains. Owww! #
• 10:36 : Twitter haiku 66 - "I would date Kate Moss / But she would take a lichen / To somebody else" #

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Acuball

How much Ibuprofen can one man take? Day two of my latest migraine and I've decided to get out of bed and pretend to go about my day as if I were pain free.

Speaking of pain, I was at this yoga fest thingy in Toronto this weekend when I saw a demonstration of something called the acuball. I bought one on the spot as therapy for my various back woes. The next day, after an evening of use, I was pain free for the first time in months! I wasn't cured, but I was certainly better!

I was so pleased with the device that I took it with me to my various appointments, visits and lectures. Leaving the children's hospital, I got on the University shuttle bus to make my next lecture and reached into my bag for my acuball, hoping to sink into its analgesic bliss for the duration of the ride.

But horrors! It was gone! I ran off the bus and retraced all my paths. In my next lecture, I put up a slide of the acuball and commanded 200 students to keep an eye out for it. I emailed the manugacturer and asked how fast they could send me a replacement ball!

Then I got an email from Jane, a friend I visited at the hospital. Apparently she had found a strange blue spherical device in her office, and was concerned (given that it originated from me) that it was some sort of diseased pervy contraption. The following image was attached, with the tag line, "Unidentifiable item, possibly hazardous":



Apparently further experimentation was performed on said device, as evidenced by this photo of Nasty Nicky B investigating the benighted acuball, labelled "Operation Disease Ball":



I'm pleased to report that after much negotiation, the acuball was returned to me in a brown paper wrapper at a meeting held at twilight by the banks of the Rideau canal. Details of the transaction will remained sealed.


In Other News...

Everyone has been sending me the news that Indo-American actor Kal Penn is joining the Obama White House. The problem is that the news comes with a massive spoiler from the TV show House, from an episode that I had not yet seen.

Thanks for nothing, everyone.

Daily Twitter

• 02:15 : Twitter haiku 65 - "Massage therapists / With really bad attitudes / Rub me the wrong way" #

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Daily Twitter

Yes I know these daily automated posts are getting annoying. I'm looking for a way to make them weekly instead of daily. Anyone know of a (free) service?

• 09:46 : Twitter haiku 62 - "I have to go for / Proctological exam / And get rectified" #
• 23:30 : Twitter haiku 64 - "If an eye doctor / Has affair with another / An optom-e-tryst?" #

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Daily Twitter

Yes I know these daily automated posts are getting annoying. I'm looking for a way to make them weekly instead of daily. Anyone know of a (free) service?

• 09:26 : Twitter haiku 62 - "I rushed to get to / Mass orgasm festival / But I came too late" #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter Follow my tweets at twitter.com/deonandan.

Daily Twitter

Yes I know these daily automated posts are getting annoying. I'm looking for a way to make them weekly instead of daily. Anyone know of a (free) service?

• 08:15 : Twitter haiku #61 - "Unproven science / Gravity's just a theory / Maybe the Earth sucks" #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter Follow my tweets at twitter.com/deonandan.

Daily Twitter

Yes I know these daily automated posts are getting annoying. I'm looking for a way to make them weekly instead of daily. Anyone know of a (free) service?

• 09:30 : Twitter haiku #59 - "A sign on the lawn / Of the drug rehab centre / Keep off of the grass" #
• 10:00 @Voliotisa Yep. I need to download the sountrack! #
• 10:33 @Voliotisa The Fountain #
• 19:11 : attending the Ottawa live video lecture by George Galloway who's stuck in New York. What a weird situation. #
• 21:22 : Shhh. Galloway's over. I'm watching Lost now. #
• 22:42 : Twitter haiku #60 - "Of all the forces / Gravity's the biggest dick / Putting people down" #

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Gorgeous George Galloway

Weird evening. I paid $15 to sit in a theatre to watch a live video broadcast of George Galloway speaking from New York. It seems I could have watched it from home, for free, on RabbleTV.

I don't mind paying $15. George Galloway is a magnificent speaker. Even if you don't like what he has to say, you have to admire the man's effortless articulateness. It really was a remarkable performance, giving a speech to a camera in an empty room, without benefit of sensing his audience's reactions, and managing to bring said audience to their feet with his impassioned words and sensibilities.

I'm too tired to go into what he talked about. I think it's safe to say that if you agree with Galloway's positions on most things in the world, which I do, then you would have found his talk inspiring, though not particularly informative. If you don't agree with him, you would find his words frustrating. He does not serve to convince the opposition, nor I think to sway the undecided. But he does good work and he motivates the believers.

Though I've called him a buffoon on many instances, I do admire the man. He walks the talk.


In Other News...

It's no secret that I've been working on a new book for a few months now. It's advanced to the point where I was able to apply for a Canada Council grant. I'm proud to report that the Council found my work to be of good quality, and thus it was "highly recommended" for funding.

However, it seems there was not enough cash in the trough this year, and I was denied a grant. And so I feel my first pinch in this economic crisis. Damn! Here's the letter:



Oh well. Ontario Council, here I come....

Daily Twitter

Yes I know these daily automated posts are getting annoying. I'm looking for a way to make them weekly instead of daily. Anyone know of a (free) service?

• 13:10 : Twitter haiku #57 - "Plants in my office / Mysteriously dying / Stop peeing on them?" #
• 22:49 : Twitter haiku #58 - "Espresso machine / Has become so essential / To my daily grind" #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter Follow my tweets at twitter.com/deonandan.

Daily Twitter

Yes I know these daily automated posts are getting annoying. I'm looking for a way to make them weekly instead of daily. Anyone know of a (free) service?

• 03:55 : Twitter haiku #55 - "If chiropractors / Gave happy endings, I fear / They'd be bone crackers" #
• 23:55 : Twitter haiku #56 - "Students pray for marks / On trigonometry test / Want sine from above" #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter Follow my tweets at twitter.com/deonandan.

Porn Star Stewardesses: What A Wonderful Time To Be Alive!

Ack! I'm wearing reading glasses right now. READING GLASSES! How did this happen?

Don't know if you've heard, but it seems a RyanAir "air hostess" has been outed as a porn star. The best part of this story is the way the airline is sticking behind her (so to speak). Instead of playing the ridiculous anti-freedom moral card and insisting that the hostess's personal activities have some relevance to her job, their position is "What people do before or after they work for us is their business."

Hallelujah, brother!

Mind you, their highly ethical stance might be a bit more worthy of celebration if this wasn't the same company that is considering putting pay toilets in their planes and on making calendars of their employees in bikinis.

In Other News...

For my fellow writer friends, be sure to visit the Google Book Settlement page and to assert your rights over whatever content Google might have digitized without your permission. Now, I'm on record as being a fan of piracy and open access.... and that includes piracy of my written works. But if you'd a chance to get some cash out of a billion dollar corporation that made profit out of your works without your permission, go to it. The Writers Union of Canada advises writers not to opt out of the settlement.

Lastly, want to see some great presentation software? Check out gapminder.org!