Sunday, May 31, 2009

Weekly Twitter Tweets


Weekly Twitter tweets from deonandan, since:2009-05-25




: Twitter haiku 116 - "Fourteen hour sleep / Dreamt of dancing girls and cheese / Was it dancing cheese?"
May 30, 2009 08:33 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 115 - "Some economists / Like gropers in the darkness / Invisible hands"
May 29, 2009 02:34 AM GMT

: Ranking of car drivers in my area... Toronto: skilled but assholes. Ottawa: unskilled but courteous. Montreal: unskilled assholes.
May 28, 2009 08:38 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 114 - "A fussy mohel / Must compute a precise cut / Tip calculator"
May 28, 2009 12:56 AM GMT

: explaining twitter to loser epidemiologists
May 27, 2009 10:52 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 113 - "I'm to talk haikus / On CBC radio / Sudden relevance"
May 27, 2009 08:50 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 112 - "Underemployed dwarf / Unable to pay his bills / He's a little short"
May 26, 2009 03:51 AM GMT

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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Karate is Back!

Lyoto Machida, my hero for this week

Just finished watching UFC98. (Yes, 4 days after it actually aired). I screamed myself hoarse cheering for Lyoto Machida, who displayed otherworldly skill in defeating the hitherto undefeated champion, Rashad Evans, to become world light heavyweight champion.

Why is this blogworthy? Because Machida is an unrepentant karate stylist. Specifically, he is the son of a Shotokan master, trained since toddlerhood to hone himself into a perfect martial artist. Since the birth of mixed martial arts (MMA), jiujitsu, mhuay thai, boxing and wrestling have emerged as the world's most popular and respected martial arts, especially the Brazilian style of jiujitsu.

But with Machida's decisive, mind-blowing win --his 15th (with no losses) in his MMA career-- karate is back. Specifically, Shotokan karate is back. And in case you haven't figured it out, I'm a bit biased because I have a black belt in Shotokan karate. (Even though I always sucked at it.)

Since the inception of the UFC, karate practitioners have taken their chances in the Octogon, but I'd yet to see someone partake who really displayed full understanding of the nature and power of karate. Machida displays that power perfectly: straight strikes with no wind-up, power generated from the hips and abdomen, straight posture with a slight backward lean, speed coupled with relaxation, and one punch knock-out explosiveness. The philosophy of traditional Shotokan has been to be able to kill a wild animal with a single blow. It's such a joy to finally see a Shotokan practitioner of sufficient skill demonstrating the application of this philosophy in the world's greatest martial arts arena, the UFC Octogon.

Look for karate dojos around the world to now experience a resurgence of interest thanks to Machida's arrival.

Curious about what UFC fighters make? Click here.

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Monday, May 25, 2009

Weekly Twitter Tweets


Weekly Twitter tweets from deonandan, since:2009-05-19



: Twitter haiku 111 - "Judged a lit contest / Am stressed from the bad spelling / Post-grammatic stress"
May 25, 2009 07:00 AM GMT

: Twitter haiku 110 - "James Joyce arrested / While writing 'Penelope' / Got a long sentence"
May 23, 2009 07:12 AM GMT

: Twitter haiku 109 - "Dwarf goes to doctor / Long wait line, so he must be / A little patient"
May 22, 2009 12:36 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 108 - "Gastronomic thief / Swallowed then shat out his loot / 'Twas an inside job"
May 21, 2009 08:51 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 107 - "Perhaps I'm biased / The uncircumcised penis / It lacks character"
May 20, 2009 06:09 AM GMT

: Twitter haiku 106 - "Constrained to behave / Like Japanese poetry / That's just haiku-ku"
May 19, 2009 11:43 AM GMT

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Sunday, May 24, 2009

You're Fired!....Guv'nor.

Cousin Ajay sends us this. Is funny:




Cousin Ajay also sends us this, with the comment that he fears it might turn kids retarded:



Cousin Ajay is on a roll. (It's a figure of speech; he's not actually riding bread.) He also sends us Helen Keller's twitter feed. Go look.

Special Ed sends us Captain Kirk's Best and Worst Moments. (Yes, it's the real Kirk, not this new poser.) The list is missing the bit where Kirk has nasty Captain sex with the hyperfast accelerated woman who can kill him with a scratch, yet somehow manages to avoid any and all abrasions. That's skill.

Special thanks to Dr Qais Ghanem for hosting myself and Dr Robert Huish on Dr Ghanem's radio show last Friday. Hopefully the MP3 of the interview will be posted very soon.

A further thanks to the organizers of the CSEB student conference this weekend for inviting me to be a judge in theit epidemiology poster competition. Ironically, this weekend I also judged a literary contest with co-judge Shanthi Sekaran. Shanthi's new book is getting a lot of attention; I can't wait to read it.

What am I doing now? Procrastinating. How? By watching the UK version of The Apprentice. Man, I love this show! Well, I love most things British. It's so delicious watching Brits argue. Their turns of phrases sound so cute and alien to me that it's impossible for me to get too emotional about it, only highly entertained. And I love that their equivalent of Donald Trump, Sir Alan Sugar, is an enormous prick who doesn't take shit from anyone, and whose firing decisions appear to be both consistent and justified! What a change!

Okay, back to TV...

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Face Fur Radeo


Auuuugh! I'm going crazy with the busy-ness! I wanted to let y'all know, though, that I will be on CHIN radio in Ottawa tomorrow (Friday) at 12:30pm. You can listen online, I think. I'll be on a show called "Dialogue with Diversity", hosted by Dr Qais Ghanem.

Oh, I will add a small anecdote. How many other men out there get random spammish emails from Russian brides hoping to snag a Western husband? I get one every few weeks. They are always hilariously written. The most recent one said, "My man should be strong, assured in the forces, possess charm, attentive, careful."

Well, I'm not assured in anything, let alone the forces! Cryptic words, indeed. I wonder if there's a secret message in there for a KGB sleeper agent...

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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Hum

Has anyone heard of this very weird global health phenomenon called "The Hum"? Very weird. Apparently, hundreds of people around the world --typically around certain geographical loci (in Canada, cases are clustered in Vancouver, for example)-- are being driven crazy by a very low frequency humming noise that no one else can hear.

You can listen to a simulation of the sound here.

And this fellow claims to have recorded The Hum here.

Pretty weird, huh? Several explanations have been proposed, running that gamut from medical to environmental to psychological.

Hmm, maybe it's a precursor to spontaneous human combustion? Who knows? Well, the BBC reports that there is now some evidence that the culprit might be oversensitive hearing.

In Other News...

Today's Daily Perv Link (TM) is brought to us by Russians in Florida. How can that combination spell anything other than WIN?

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Weekly Twitter Tweets


Weekly Twitter tweets from deonandan, since:2009-05-11



: Twitter haiku 105 - "Destroyer captain / Unlawful attack on sub / They dropped the charges"
May 18, 2009 06:56 AM GMT

: Twitter haiku 104 - "It's Sunday morning / Just spilled coffee on my shirt / Show you my dis-stain"
May 17, 2009 04:14 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 102 - "Drunk on Saturday / Will Sunday be as pleasant? / All signs point to yes"
May 17, 2009 03:26 AM GMT

: Twitter haiku 101 - "Thick hairy chest? Check. / Self-satisfied smirk? Oh yeah. / Rise, mighty Hoffwat!"
May 15, 2009 09:07 AM GMT

: Twitter haiku 101 - "Mmmm, food and beverage / And flotation devices / Boobs: what can't they do?"
May 14, 2009 01:19 PM GMT

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Sunday, May 17, 2009

2009 TV Finales


Auuugh! I have so much work to do. But here I am at 10:30pm on Sunday night taking a break to blog about something really inconsequential: TV.

Yep, the last few days I've spent immersing myself in the various finales (both season and series) of my favourite TV shows of this year. Beware: spoilers abound. Here's my countdown of the top 9 finales of 2009.

9. Hell's Kitchen: Yes I watched this ridiculous show, mostly because Gordon Ramsay's unabashed arrogance fascinates me. Never again, though. This show is pointless and staged, with amateurish editing passing for drama. Give me more of Ramsay's more serious British shows, where the reality provides the drama, and less of this American tosh which tries to manufacture drama from dysfunctional personalities and improbable scenarios.

8. Celebrity Apprentice 2: Midway, I was really enjoying the show. I enjoyed how the producers apparently hate C-list celebrities, and were eager to show their shallowness in full colourful glory. But Donald Trump's cronyism, his illogical and inconsistent decision making, and his uncanny ability to offend all my sensibilities simultaneously have conspired to keep me away from his fatuous face for the rest of his TV career. If I never see the monstrous Joan or Melissa Rivers, or the weirdly self-aggrandizing Annie Duke, never again, it will be too soon.

7. Heroes: I don't even remember what happened. I'll probably watch next season; but really, what's the point?

6. Smallville: Oh Gawd. Jimmy Olsen is dead.... but he wasn't the real Jimmy, so that's okay. Clarke still can't fly. The Green Arrow thinks he's Batman. Supershmuck's epic battle with Doomsday --the only creature to have actually ended his life-- lasted all of 5 seconds, with the climax shown as stock footage of a factory explosion. Booooo! Still, I'll watch the 9th and hopefully final season next year.

5. Survivor Tocantins: JT won. Everyone knew he would. Meh. While Survivor may not be particularly relevant anymore, this year gave us Coach Wade, who is either profoundly impressive or overwhelmingly delusional. Still, he provided an opportunity to question some of the emotional aspects of feats of deprivation, about which Survivor is all about. He was worth watching.

4. Lost: The ending of the penultimate season of this most impressive of TV shows was somewhat banal, but instrumental in moving the landmark tale into a new domain. Lost has been a wondrous achievement for sticking to a complicated, mysterious narrative that nonetheless has a plan-- a rarity in TV history. Unlike The X-Files, which was great at piquing interest, but lousy at providing any narrative pay off, Lost clearly is headed somewhere. Its final 16 hours, to be broadcast in the Spring of 2010, will focus on the implications of the killing of the demigod Jacob. Lost has a rich mythology potentiated with strong acting and excellent writing. Its season finale, however, suffered from a ridiculous love quadrangle that just got in the way. But let's not focus on that.

3. Battlestar Galactica: This was one of the most anticipated series finales in the history of television. I enjoyed it, and hope to provide my review on Skiffy.ca very soon. But, you know what? It doesn't linger. It wasn't disappointing, but it also wasn't a transformative experience. And don't you doubt for a second that excellent television can be a transformative experience. This should have been one.

2. Prison Break: Yes, I know most people have stopped watching this show. But this 4th and final season was actually pretty interesting, as it managed to bring all the clumsy threads from the previous seasons together. I rank it as the second best finale this year for one reason only... Michael Scofield's very sad death. It was done with dignity. And while some see it as a kick in the collective nuts of all the fans, it's hard to argue that it doesn't linger. As a result it's the one season/series finale that I can't stop thinking about. There's something profoundly poetic about a a man who struggled and succeeded to save everyone else, but failed to save himself. Mind you, a direct-to-DVD movie is coming out soon about the circumstances of his death, so I'm a bit afraid that Michael has actually faked his death and is living on a beach in Panama with a transexual hooker. Boooo!

1. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Check out Deemack's review of season 1 on Skiffy.ca. Here is a classic example of a show too smart for its own good. It never found a core audience large enough to justify its expense. What a shame. Of all the shows I watched this year, Terminator is the only one that I could never predict-- that's how unusual the writing was. And its finale --what a work of art! All season, watching Garbage's Shirley Manson coax the manbot John Henry into the world of sentience was treat enough; but then seeing these activities culminate with a trip to the future to change the course of human travail was quite the adventure. Its final scene, with John Connor arriving in the future to find that no one knows his name, his father alive and well, and the female Terminator he secretly loves manifesting as a flesh and blood woman --all shown in slow motion, softly lit with suggestive music-- was one of the most charming and emotionally powerful scenes I've ever seen on American TV. Well done indeed.

Too bad it's been cancelled. Now on to summer reruns and the return of British science fiction...



PS, Honourable mention goes to the finale of House. Enjoyable and well written episode. But with House, I've come to expect the predictable mind fuck, and that's what we got.

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Friday, May 15, 2009

Until I Have Time For a REAL Post...

Check it out...

An sign of intelligence from space? Now if only we could find a sign of intelligence here on Earth. (BOW! HELLO! TRY THE VEAL, I'M HERE ALL WEEK!)

(Video of alien intelligence here.)

The BBC apparently stands for "British Broadcasting for Christ" because it's received 115 complaint emails since announcing its new Head of Religion is a Muslim.

Um... why does the BBC need a "Head of Religion"?

I'm sure many of you have seen this:




Well, it's a lie!!!



So revel in your pervishness, my droogies.

Remember my review of the new Star Trek movie? Recall that it's a JJ Abrams project, much like two of my favourite TV shows: Lost and Fringe. Well, I just finished watchin the season finales for both shows...

...Wow! Now that's writing! HOWEVER... JJ is showing his unmentionables. All three products --Fringe, Lost and Trek-- rely heavily on either time travel or alternate realities. I'm a little sick of this science fiction crutch. Suddenly I'm not too optimistic about the continuing resolution of either of the TV shows. I'll let you know.

I'll leave you with some Facebook goodies. First up is my new profile pic, the Hasselwat:



And lastly, here's the profile pic of my friend Sara F. Looks like he's been out all night drinking, no?

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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Real Life Superheroes

I'm sometimes asked to explain my semi-retirement from the world of fiction writing. The long answer has something to do with not believing that we should flood the world with books unless we actually have something of value to add... so many authors write because it's their job, not because they have something to say. The short answer, though, is probably more pithy and digestible: truth is a billion times more interesting than fiction can ever be.

Case in point: the recent emergence of real-life "superheroes" on American city streets. Let's be clear here. By "superhero" we mean dudes with issues who wear costumes and prowl the streets looking to exact vigilante justice. Cincinnati's "ShadowHare" is the most famous:



You can see them all at, well, the World Superhero Registry.

Predictably, with the emergence of real life superheroes has come the emergence of real life super villains. That's right. We have witnessed the birth of ROACH: Ruthless Organization Against Citizen/Chubby Heroes.

ROACH is so diabolical that they have posted an ad in Craigslist offering a staggering bounty of $10 for anyone who can provide the secret identity of ShadowHare.

I think there's one thing we can all agree about this story: it will not end well.

In Other News...

Adam S. sends us this neat commercial showing what Bruce Lee would have looked like playing ping pong with his nunchaku:



Meanwhile, Cousin Ajay sends us today's classic Daily Perv Link (TM):



Lastly, my review of the new Star Trek movie is available at Skiffy.ca.

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Monday, May 11, 2009

JT on the TV

My (entirely platonic and heterosexual) love for Justin Timberlake, as expressed in this post, was further enhanced this weekend when the Boy Genius hosted SNL for the 3rd time.

SNL clips are hard to find online, as the tyrants on NBC scour the web looking for so-called "copyright infringements", so the few links I offer here are precious indeed. Frankly, I find this corporate behaviour imbecilic. What better way to costlessly encourage excitement about your brand than to allow the viral sharing of small clips? Nuh.

Anyway, from the history of JT's appearances on SNL, many believe he first impressed us with a bit called "Omeletteville", which was followed up months later with a similar bit called "Homelessville". The trifecta of hilarity ensued this weekend with the third installment, "Plasticville".

And let's not forget his three appearances in the "Barry Gibb Talk Show", the first two of which are linked here and here. Sure, it's no "Dick In A Box", but what is? Well, the classic Beyonce video, with JT as a backup dancer comes close, as does the most recent JT/Samberg "digital short", called "Mother Lover":

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Weekly Twitter Tweets


Weekly Twitter tweets from deonandan, since:2009-05-04



: Twitter haiku 100 - "Home upon the 'loo / Write with nothing else to do / One hundredth haiku!"
May 10, 2009 04:11 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 99 - "Star Whores to Das Butt / And Shaving Ryan's Privates / Sperms of Endearment?"
May 9, 2009 04:30 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 98 - "A search for items / In a crevasse of charred wood / Poke in the ash hole"
May 8, 2009 10:37 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 97 - "Trigonometry / I mastered it years ago / I'm secant to none"
May 7, 2009 04:49 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 96 - "Matt Damon gut check / Infection from a river / WaterBourne illness?"
May 6, 2009 02:25 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 95 - "Reincarnated / Baby Lama hissy fit / A temple tantrum?"
May 5, 2009 03:22 PM GM

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Real Women

I regularly Google random words and phrases. Don't ask why. Just assume it's part of my charming quirkiness. Well, today I Googled "real women", then clicked on "images". One of the earliest hits was this.

Please only click the link if you're fully emotionally and spiritually prepared. Afterward, you may need this.

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Friday, May 08, 2009

Smooching = Dating

A "friend" (note quotation marks) has generously offered to write a dating profile for me. Because I believe in archiving the minutiae of my life, I offer it here now for your benefaction:

"40 going on 14

C-list shut-in idiot savant given to serial bouts of nonsensical utterings seeks highly attractive, worldly, accomplished, well-traveled partner to go steady with. Will offer juvenile antics, frequent mentions of porn, disrespectful comments about the bodies of women over the age of 22, tacky jokes, and occasional mature insights in exchange for intellectual and physical stimulation. Laughter, among other things, will have to be faked on a regular basis. Asset qualifications include being of South Asian background, financial independence, being a nerd or dork in high school, having a firm body with big boobs and breathing semi-quietly through your nose. Smooching = dating, so respondant [sic] beware. "

And because I'm all about the the awkward segue, I give you this interesting article about the roles of science versus religion by Stanley Fish --a topic that was actually at the core of my second book.

I will summarize my take on the debate this way: science tells us everything about the how, but is incapable of addressing the why.

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Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Things I Would Pay For

Latest column is up at the MicroSoft column. It may look familiar to you.

So I was waiting for a bus this afternoon to take me to the airport. I was standing there at the bus stop as bus after bus stopped briefly, then went on their way. At one point, I looked into the reflective sheen of one bus's side advertisement and saw the reflection of an attractive young woman standing next to me and staring right at me. But when I looked to my left to see her... she was nowhere to be seen!

Another bus came along, and sure enough her reflection was there again! This time she was preening her long hair, using the ad space as a mirror. But yet again, when I looked over, there was no one there!

Was I seeing a ghost? If so, I was glad I was being haunted by a sexy babe. With ghosts, you never know what you might get.

It wasn't till many minutes later that I finally figured out that I was standing in front of a glass-walled building with strange refractive qualities. When viewed slightly askew, the glass is opaque. But when viewed head-on, the glass is translucent. You guessed it: the hot babe was standing behind me and behind the weird glass. She could only be seen when the bus's reflective surface provided a head-on reflection.

I'm sure she had no idea she was freaking me out.

Now, on that long bus ride to the airport, I had time to think about stupid things. One of them was the question, "What surprising thing would you still pay to see?" What do I mean by this? There are some obvious things I'm enough of a fan of to pay to see; for example, a good comedy show or a top movie. I no longer enjoy most forms of live music, but I would always see a good sitar player or qawwali singer. Even though Bono spat on me 25 years ago, I might pay to see U2, if you got me in a good mood. I would certain pay to see Ian Brown or a re-formed Stone Roses.

But what are the things I'm unironically a fan of, that might surprise you? Here are three:

1. Justin Timberlake - Boy can sing, boy can dance. (And I say "boy" because he was born when I was already in high school).

2. Lata Mangeshkar - Girl can sing, but girl can't dance. (And I say "girl" because I'ma jerk like that).

3. Christopher Hitchens - Can't stand the man, but I'm one of those folks who appreciate a good lecture. I might not agree with him a lot of the time, but I enjoy Hitch's arguments, and would pay to hear them.

4. Kanye West - Not sure there'd be room for both of our egos in the same stadium, but I'd love to hear the little braggart live.... even if he does have a thing for fish sticks.

That's all for today. I'm gonna watch TV. Yayyyy!



Justin Timberlake from "Jizz In My Pants"

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The Sexual Adventures of Savita Bhabhi

Having one of those mornings when I feel I have squirrels in my pants:



And how is this for progress? India has a somewhat mainstream pornographic comic: The sexual adventures of Savita Bhabhi:



Meanwhile, Darth Vadum sends us this real-life attempt by a doofus to get out of jury duty:


That is all. As you were.

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Sunday, May 03, 2009

Weekly Twitter Tweets

Weekly Twitter tweets from deonandan, since:2009-04-25


Eyes_normal


: Twitter haiku 94 - "Nagging passengers / Wanting me to slow down, so / I put my foot down"
May 3, 2009 04:35 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 93 - "O Guyanese rum / Why are you so enticing? / Hangover awaits"
May 2, 2009 05:49 AM GMT

: Twitter haiku 92 - "In old Germany / Cheeses too inflexible / Be more limburger"
Apr 30, 2009 11:40 PM GMT

: Twitter haiku 91 - "On UK food tour / Found a delicate Welsh cheese / Ate it Caerphilly"
Apr 30, 2009 03:06 AM GMT

: Twitter haiku 90 - "Missionaries trek / Get eaten by cannibals / Taste of religion"
Apr 29, 2009 09:10 AM GMT

: Twitter haiku 90 - "Looking for apples / In a grove of oranges / It's a fruitless search"
Apr 28, 2009 01:45 PM GMT

: Twiter haiku 89 - "Spinal carpenter / Gonna build m a new back / To the lumbar yard!"
Apr 27, 2009 01:11 PM GMT

: Twiter haiku 88 - "A female to male / transgender operation / Addadicktomy"
Apr 27, 2009 02:39 AM GMT

: Twiter haiku 87 - "Tijuana pig / Once earned a pilot's licence / Mexican swine flew"
Apr 26, 2009 01:56 PM GMT

: Twiter haiku 86 - "Sign on the front door / Of summertime nudist camp: / 'Clothed until July'"
Apr 26, 2009 03:25 AM GMT

: Twiter haiku 85 - "I'm so sedated / Rock, rock, rock'n'roll haiku / Ramones poetry?"
Apr 25, 2009 10:08 PM GM

: just did a media interview, in person, while lying on my back and doped up on codeine. I think this horizontality bit might be my thing.
Apr 25, 2009 05:42 PM GMT

: gave a public lecture this morning... lying on my back, due to herniated disc. This is becoming my thing.
Apr 25, 2009 02:20 PM GMT

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Friday, May 01, 2009

The Uncanny Valley

io9.com had a contest recently for submitting a funny caption for this still from the new TV series, Caprica:



The winner was Joey Comeau, whose entry was, "Well, I think we've side-stepped our uncanny valley worries."

Now, to many of you that will sound like sheer unfunny nonsense. But it represents an opportunity for all of us to learn about what the "Uncanny Valley Hypothesis" is. Proposed by Japanese roboticist Doctor Masahiro Mori, it essentially states that the more human-like a robot appears, the more we like it.... until it looks a bit too human, then we think it's just creepy... until it starts to look and behave almost exactly like a human, at which point we like it again. The graphs below are taken from an article by Dave Bryant:



As you can see, the "valley" is the point at which the graph dips down in each case.

Bryant makes the further case that these analyses are proxies for overall anthropomorphism, and might reliably predict people's reactions to anything non-human that might resemble humans somewhat. It's a good gauge for predicting a population's reaction to a genuine alien presence. Bryant presents the following "uncanny valley" graph for overall anthropomorphism:



As Bryant puts it, this explains why we are horrified by human zombies, but enchanted by talking squirrels.

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