"Weekly" Twitter Tweets

Weekly Twitter tweets from deonandan, since:2009-09-11




# Marathon runners rarely look happy or healthy.
6:20 AM Sep 27th from API

# Overheard tough guy teen talk: "Yo, if a f-ing pigeon shits on me, i'll f-ing rip its head off." Oooooh, so gangsta.
9:03 AM Sep 26th from API

# Gin: my ultimate frienemy.
7:07 AM Sep 26th from API

# Drinking gin in the home of a retired Taiwanese woman. Let the comments flow.
5:44 PM Sep 25th from API

# Pulling into Union Station. There's a giant chalk drawing of a penis on the wall. Ah, it's good to be home.
7:18 AM Sep 25th from API

# Unforseen perk of Via Rail 1st class - free time on the massage chair! Whoooo!
2:21 AM Sep 25th from API

# First night in new condo: O the joys of doing late night laundry without having to leave home!
9:09 PM Sep 24th from API

# There's a dork on a unicycle in the middle of rush hour traffic on Carling Ave! I hate dorks on unicycles.
6:05 AM Sep 24th from API

# Fourth casualty of moving: cheap-ass plastic laundry basket. Apparently it doesn't double as a step ladder. Who knew?
10:40 PM Sep 23rd from dabr

# Third casualty of moving: a craptastic glass Ikea lamp.
7:50 PM Sep 22nd from API

# Second official casualty of moving: my US Supreme Court coffee mug from DC.... Meh.
8:36 PM Sep 21st from API

# :Twitter haiku 190 - "Timid high school girl / With ugly frock mocked by peers / Damsel in dissed dress."
11:31 AM Sep 21st from API

# Breaking my carb embargo with half a Costco muffin. Mmmm.. insulinalicious...
1:12 PM Sep 20th from API

# Damn! Haikus 171 and 187 were also pretty much the same. I'm starting to repeat myself. Repeat myself. Repeat myself.
10:30 AM Sep 19th from dabr

# :Twitter haiku 189 - "Singer on a cruise / Really wasn't up to par / Couldn't hit high seas"
10:20 AM Sep 19th from dabr

# Facebook is down. How am I supposed to poke people?
8:59 PM Sep 18th from dabr

# :Twitter haiku 188 - "Moved into condo / Needed change of ownership / For my rental health"
7:36 AM Sep 18th from API

# What can I make with pita, a tomato, a green pepper, an egg and a bottle of salsa? Guess we gonna find out (PS yes there will also be gin)
5:57 PM Sep 17th from web

# Thanks to Rita for introducing me to Datarock. Been overdosing ever since... but still no desire to buy a red track suit.
8:08 PM Sep 16th from dabr

# :Twitter hiaku 187 - "Plants on balcony / Speak to them to help them grow / Till it like it is"
5:26 AM Sep 16th from web

# ZOMG, they're offering a workshop on "effective email writing". LOL ROTFLMAO... BRB... http://tinyurl.com/qwbqtj
1:27 PM Sep 15th from web

# :Twitter haiku 186 - "Need to develop / Some more flexibility / To watch my own back"
6:30 AM Sep 15th from web

# MRI result: multilevel degenerative lumbar disc disease. Wahhhhh!!!
1:14 PM Sep 14th from web

# :Twitter haiku 185 - "Out of bed early / Do I look respectable? / First day of classes :("
5:17 AM Sep 14th from web

# Watching "The Big O". Great idea, questionable execution.
11:17 AM Sep 13th from API

# Meh. http://tinyurl.com/5fwsym9:26 AM Sep 13th from dabr

# First casualty of moving: my prized stoned status of Isis from Luxor, Egypt. Wahhhhh!!!
10:42 PM Sep 12th from API

# Swiffer Wetjet rules.
7:15 PM Sep 12th from API

# Anyone know of an uber-cheap moving company in Ottawa?
2:23 PM Sep 11th from dabr

OUF

Greetings from the Ontario Universities Fair, an annual event in downtown
Toronto where tens of thousands of high school students meet reps from
universities who try to whore out their programmes.

Yes, I am here happily selling the Health Sciences faculty of the
University of Ottawa. This involves convincing prospective students that
we have the best looking professors in Ontario. (Quite true.)

Just checked out the competition. Brock has a nice big kiosk. McMaster
has a great display, but the pretty girl staffing its gate wouldn't let me
anywhere near it! And my beloved alma mater, the University of Toronto, is
properly marketing their legacy, with a big video screen highlighting their
superstar researchers. The problem? I may know them, but very few high
school kids know of --or care of-- Janice Stein and Mark Kingwell.

There was one little girl who approached me yesterday very despondently.
"I'm looking for something very specific," she said. "And I doubt that you
can help me."

"Try me," I said.

"I want to meet an epidemiologist," she said. Seriously.

Another student said to me that she wanted to "cut up dead things."

Hmm, I though. Her career options include coroner, pathologist, butcher or
psychopath.

"I don't want to go to medical school or graduate school," she said.

Okay, I thought. That leaves butcher and psychopath.

"Maybe I should be afraid to go to sleep at night?" her mother told me.

You know it, sister.

Off to get a steak. All this talk of "cutting up dead things" has me
famished.

R.I.P. Ida Plaskett

Back in grade 10 English, I submitted a haiku to my teacher, Mrs. Plaskett:

Dear Mrs Plaskett
O give me a good mark, please
Now, or I'll kill you

Ida Plaskett was a sweet old lady who came across as prim and proper, but who really was a kind and accepting soul. She accepted the poem in its humourous intent and gave me a good mark. So I didn't have to kill her.

Mrs Plaskett really took an interest in her students, particularly in those of us drawn to language. She would use the word "gay" in its original meaning (e.g., "that's a very gay shirt you're wearing") without fear of being misunderstood. She once gave me the highest compliment of my teen years when she announced to the class that, "if anyone submits high level, professional quality writing I will suspect you of plagiarizing.... Except for Ray, of course."

Then she complimented me again. When she retired she initiated the Ida Plaskett Award for excellence in writing. I and another student, Chris Theiss, were its inaugural winners. It still hangs proudly in my old bedroom in my parents' house. Upon her retirement, I gave her a copy of Beowulf and on the inside cover wrote for her an embarrassingly pretentious sonnet.

We stayed in touch over the years. I sent her copies of my first book and told her she should take some credit for my literary achievements. I saw her once for lunch after her husband had died. That was many years ago.

Today I received news of the passing of Ida Plaskett. She lived a long, full life of 88 years, so it's not a tragic death. But the sad part is learning that she outlived her husband and her two sons. Such a sweet and generous woman deserved a better outcome, I think.

Her obituary:

PLASKETT, Ida (nee Walsh) - Died peacefully at Toronto on Sunday, September 20, 2009 at the age of 88. Beloved wife of the late Reverend Charles R. Plaskett. Loved mother of the late Ralph Plaskett and the late John Plaskett. Survived by her daughter-in-law Sharon, grandchildren Bruce (Laura) and Scott (Catherine) Plaskett, great-grandchildren Nathan, Abby, Devon and Skylar and sisters-in-law Margaret (Walter MacDonald), Phyllis Ritchie, Sally Plaskett, Gwen Plaskett and their families. The family will receive friends at the HUMPHREY FUNERAL HOME -- A.W. MILES CHAPEL, 1403 Bayview Avenue (south of Davisville Avenue) from 3-5 p.m. on Sunday, September 27, with a small Memorial Service at 3:45 p.m. Donations in lieu of flowers, may be directed to Northern Secondary School Foundation c/o Ida Plaskett Award, 851 Mount Pleasant Road, Toronto M4P 2L5. Condolences and memories may be forwarded through www.humphreymiles.com

Spinal Therapies

The quest to reverse/cure/control my degerenerative lumbar disc disease continues. Last time I talked about my experience with Bowen Therapy. I haven't tried anything new yet, but I've been poking around for other options. Among them is non-surgical spinal decompression therapy, using a device called the DRX-9000.

I'm quite skeptical of medical claims made my companies with no formal association with recognized clinics or hospitals. However, this therapy appears to have no negative downside, so I am considering it. My physiotherapist is rightly skeptical of its claims, as well, but agrees that it cannot hurt me. The worst that could happen is that I experience no change, and would be out a chunk of change.

Well, it's more than a chunk of change. From what I gather, the DRX9000 programme requires about 20 sessions, each costing about $200. It's essentially a system of controlled, sustained traction. Sounds rather comfortable, actually.

Being a medical scientist, I first turned to the published literature to see what studies had been conducted on the device's efficacy and safety. I've only found this one so far, "Treatment of 94 outpatients with chronic discogenic low back pain with the DRX9000: a retrospective chart review" by Macario et al at Stanford. Here's the abstract:



The chart review study --which is not the most rigorous design, admittedly-- indicates cause for optimism with respect to the DRX9000. So I'm a tad excited.

Further research led me to a product called NuCore:



NuCore is essentially an artificial gel that is injected into the disc as part of a surgical procedure. The gel hardens into a consistency comparable to that of the natural disc, providing support for the otherwise hardening and shrinking disc. Its trials are making the news in the USA, as this Fox News broadcast indicates.

As far as any reputable research goes, I've only been able to find this study from Switzerland:



The long and short of it is that this study is also optimistic about NuCore's potential, but only as an adjunct to the traditional surgical procedure of microdiscectomy.

The plot thickens. Stay tuned, my droogies.

The Bowen Technique

Wooden fish, stolen from donj.co.uk

I got my MRI results back this week for my chronic lower back issues. Ready? Apparently I suffer from multilevel degenerative disc disease, which essentially means that several of my intervertevbral lumbar discs have slipped out and are impinging on nerve roots and even the spinal cord. There may be physiotherapeutic solutions, or maybe some more exotic surgical interventions, but the likely eventual path in the long term is spinal fusion surgery.

So of course I freaked out. My condition is likely the result of both genetics and a history of abusing my body through decades of high impact sports. Some people want to blame my recent reliance on chiropractic treatment. But I started those well after symptoms had already appeared. Maybe chiropractic adjustments worsened my condition or maybe they made it better or maybe they did nothing at all. Hard to say. I will agree, though, that my various chiropractors should have better diagnosed my condition earlier on.

The bottom line is that I immediately started looking for other options. Spinal decompression therapy looks interesting, both non-invasive and surgical. A discectomy might be an option, as well. I've already tried traditional massage, acupuncture and Tui Na massage, with negligible results. And I've made an appointment with an osteopath, but from what I gather he won't be doing anything more than what my excellent physiotherapist already does. (So stop emailing me, you osteopath zealots!)

Today I took a stab at Bowen therapy. This youtube clip summarizes the "scientific" rationale underlying the Bowen approach. I tried it mostly because there's no possible down side, no contraindications, and it was a good way to spend a morning.

I arrived with curiosity but trepidation, given the therapy's popularity amongst the sandal-wearing set. My fears were not allayed when the therapist started using that most detested of lazy words: "energy". Zod knows I hate it when New Age types use that word in a non-physics context. The therapy involved some extremely light touches followed by minutes left alone for me to contemplate the touches. The therapist then returns after these intervals to ask about my sensations.

When I say "light touches", you must understand that it was so slight and seemingly meaningless that it was like being tapped on the shoulder or accidentally brushed by a passerby on the bus. This was supposed to be physical therapy?

To be honest, I found the process sort of silly. But I decided to give it a fair shot and enjoy the time alone and horizontal with my thoughts and odours. Surprisingly, things started to happen. In response to the "treatments", I had some random muscle twitches, then my pinkies went numb, and my left elbow just spasmed outward! Somewhere along the line, my breathing patterns shifted noticeably. I even stopped breathing entirely at one point; but didn't find it alarming at all, just interesting.

Then a really weird thing started happening. I started to hallucinate! With each "treatment" --which, remember, just involved some light poking on the knee or scalp or something-- I received a vivid waking dream. At one point I was staring intently through a window and could not look away. At another, I was following a long thin tube intensely through a building's ventilation system. In another "vision" I was --get this-- wrestling a giant wooden duck. Immediately afterwards, I was swimming in an ocean of wooden fish. In the final and most intense hallucination, I was falling towards the right. I hope the last wasn't a premonition of an upcoming political shift.

I don't know what it all means --if anything. Maybe I was dehydrated from my morning workout. I do know that this particular drug trip was cheaper without drugs. For that reason alone, I will try it again. I still don't believe in any New Age "energy" nonsense. But I do believe in neurology, and I believe the neurological explanation offered in the video above might --just might-- have some credence.

I will also add this: it's now 3 hours later and I'm mostly pain free. Mind you, I haven't moved or stressed my body at all, so who knows what that means.

"Weekly" Twitter Tweets

Weekly Twitter tweets from deonandan, since:2009-08-24




While we're on our girly pop kick, here's Le Tigre's "Deceptacon" as performed by Jem & The Holograms: http://tinyurl.com/2q86lp
Sep 11, 2009 8:10 am EST

Enjoying the mindless girly pop of the Ting Tings.
Sep 10, 2009 07:27 PM GMT

:Twitter haiku 184 - "Do not want jock itch / Would put me in a bad mood / Make me crotchety"
Sep 10, 2009 03:08 PM GMT

:Twitter haiku 183 - "Hormones in the womb / Embryo with facial hair / Or a 'zygoatee'"
Sep 9, 2009 02:25 PM GMT

Re-watching skiffy classic: Babylon 5. Great story, tolerable dialogue, insanely poor acting.
Sep 8, 2009 10:53 PM GMT

A scientist just asked me for permission to dissect my brain when I'm dead. This can either be good or bad.
Sep 8, 2009 07:56 PM GMT

:Twitter haiku 182 - "Two thermometers / One rectal and one oral / The difference? The taste."
Sep 8, 2009 11:42 AM GMT

Change of plans-- getting a ride back to Ottawa, so no train-bound mobile office. There goes the promise of labour on Labour Day!
Sep 7, 2009 04:14 PM GMT

I find myself looking forward to a 5 hour hungover train ride to Ottawa this aft. Maybe I'll get some work done?
Sep 7, 2009 01:47 PM GMT

Seriously drunk off my ass at a gala. Will I say something embarassing? Stay tuned!
Sep 7, 2009 06:09 AM GMT

Maintenant je parle francais avec une jeune fille Indien qui vient de New York. Oui, beaucoup vodka est present. Quel surprise!
Sep 7, 2009 02:27 AM GMT

My NetIP session went great. Thanks to my co-panelists for being superstars.
Sep 6, 2009 04:34 PM GMT

Ali Velshi is giving an entertaining and lucid talk on the economy. Once again, the ADHD NetIP crowd is getting restless.
Sep 5, 2009 05:33 PM GMT

Bob Rae is giving a magnificent firebrand speech at NetIP. Sadly, I don't think the largely self-centred audience is into it.
Sep 5, 2009 04:57 PM GMT

:Twitter haiku 181 - "Witty entendre / Concerning a foul odour / It was quite pun-gent"
Sep 5, 2009 02:42 PM GMT

OMG a woman in a clothing store actually asked me, "Do I look fat in this?"
Sep 4, 2009 11:14 PM GMT

:Twitter haiku 180 - "Energetic day / Morning jog goes overtime / So I'm running late!"
Sep 4, 2009 01:21 PM GMT

: Off to the woods. No one bug me for 2 days.

:Twitter haiku 179 -"Future arms dealers / Will make switchblades from blood clots / Yes... congealed weapons"
Sep 1, 2009 02:23 AM GMT

:Twitter haiku 178 - "Lumbar adjustment / To create vertebral space / The spinal frontier"
Aug 30, 2009 05:51 PM GM

In the light of sobriety, my new drink "the retardinator" doesn't sound so appetizing anymore.
Aug 29, 2009 2:46 pm

Ohhhhhh! The hangover!
Aug 29, 2009 Aug 29, 2009

I just invented a new drink - the "retardinator" - rum, soy milk, honey, line juice and brown sugar.
Aug 28, 2009 11:37 pm

Live twittering from my party. What do you want to know?
Aug 28, 2009 6:43 pm

Why does Rogers telemarketing keep calling me when I'm already a customer? Like I need ANOTHER reason to hate them?
Aug 28, 2009 2:58 pm

Got the keys to my new condo. Guess what? THEY DON'T WORK!!
Aug 28, 2009

:Twitter haiku 177 - "Observing night life / Seems douchebags of a feather / Will flock to pleather"
Aug 27, 2009 5:28 am

4:45pm - an episode of Hell's Kitchen and enjoying a big glass of gin, tonic and grapefruit juice. No burrito, though.
Aug 26, 2009 2:51 pm

:Battling my inner demons again... No wait, they're just inner zombies. Never mind.
Aug 26, 2009 6:32 am

:Twitter haiku 176 - "My fake wrasslin' belt / Is sadly made of cardboard / A waist of paper"
Aug 25, 2009 7:44 am

Watching "Dude Where's My Car" again. The Chinese food bit kills me.
Aug 23, 2009 9:12 pm

Watching 2009 WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Yep, you read that right.
Aug 23, 2009 7:35 pm

:Twitter haiku 175 - "I need a title / For porno set in Oslo / Um... 'Norwegian Wood'?"
Aug 23, 2009 3:29 pm

Uh-oh... haikus 148 and 172 were pretty much the same :(
Aug 23, 2009, 2:06pm

Student Evaluations

I recently Facebooked some of my favourite student evaluations from this past year. I thought I'd share with the rest of you the best one of the bunch. If the author of this anonymous note is reading this... do not identify yourself. To know would just dilute the wonder:



Ironically, this review came at about the same time that a colleague sent me the following photo she supposedly snapped of me:

A Professor Professes About Professionals

I'm cheating. Today's entry is pretty much the same as my upcoming MicroSoft article. Before we get to it, though, here's my latest article at India Currents magazine. Now, onward...

The first image that came up when I Googled "professionals"

This weekend I gave a talk at a conference meant for "professionals" of a particular ethnic group of which I am a member.

The word "professional" has always baffled me. Technically, I think, a professional is someone who gets paid to do what they do. Historically, the word has been used to describe people who work in certain high status fields, like Medicine, Accounting, Engineering and Law. There's some rationale in claiming that a professional is someone employed in a field that is overseen by a licensing body that guarantees high standards of conduct and of technical ability. By this definition, doctors, accountants, engineers and lawyers certainly qualify, but so do electricians, plumbers, machinists and a host of other highly skilled workers who typically don't frequent --and who aren't invited to-- the cocktail party circuit.

In colloquial usage, a professional is someone who takes his or her job seriously, and by virtue of that seriousness produces work of a quality beyond that expected of a non-professional. A "professional" hitman, for instance, is presumably better at killing people than the violent kid next door, and will do so more efficiently and with less drama. Hitmen are rarely invited to conferences and "networking" events, however. This is probably a good thing.

The word "professional" is sometimes used as a proxy for "wealthy". Many ads on dating sites, for example, explicitly state a preference among suitors for "professionals", since a professional is typically among the top earners of our society; hence the association of the word with cocktail parties and "networking" events. Yet garbage collectors and bus drivers --professionals that are well paid, indeed-- are usually excluded from such events. Ironically, students and unemployed cubicle jockeys feel right at home brushing elbows at these suit-wearing, wine-sipping exchanges, while their wealthier and better trained smock-wearing brethren do not.

I'm not really sure what point I'm trying to make here, except that we so often hide behind euphemisms to obfuscate the crass classism of our activities. In modern parlance, "professional" really means "white collar", and carries with it an implication of advanced social status. This is a tad ironic, since "white collar" no longer means wealthy, ethical or sophisticated, which are presumably the traits one is expecting at "networking" events. Maybe the plumbers, bus drivers, tool makers and short order cooks of the world are already holding champagne parties and "networking" events to which we of the snooty, degreed class are not invited. I wouldn't blame them.

Dating and Opera

This courtesy of Anju G., titled "A Personal Ad... In Graph Form":




This reminds me of one of my internet dates a couple of years ago. The very nice, but somewhat dim, woman asked me, "Do you like opera?"

Now, I come from humble origins, but I have striven to educate myself in most forms of world culture and supposedly high art. I started attending operas as a teenager, as a way to expose myself to an ancient and revered form of music. To be honest, I fell asleep in most of those early operas. But with the advent of sous-titles, foreign language performances became more accessible to me.

One of my favourite scenes, as a kid, from the movie Alien was the one in which the Captain, Tom Skerritt, was having some leisure time to himself on the bridge, relaxing with his headphones on, listening to opera.

That scene resonated with the 12 year old me, because I'd never before considered this type of music to be a source of relaxation. So that sent me on a quest to explore, to some extent, the powers of opera. Luckily, the Toronto Opera Company had dirt cheap seats for youth --an excellent idea for introducing the form to a new and jaded generation.

Over the next few years, I attended La Boheme, Don Giovani, The Barber of Seville, La Traviata and some more of the classics. I even tried my ear at light opera, like Pricess Ida and The Mikado.

What I discovered was that I do heartily enjoy the cinematic grandeur of most opera, the tiny tales they tell, and the thundering voices of their performers, always brushing against perfect pitch.

But I don't actually enjoy attending operas so much. I start to squirm and become self conscious. Music, for me, is about relaxation. I can't really relax in formal wear, while trying to sit still in a room of a thousand strangers.

So this is what I explained to this young woman who had asked me the question. She looked at me blankly and said, "What are you talking about?"

"Opera," I said. "You asked me about opera."

"No," she said. "I asked if you like Opera, that Black woman with the TV show."

True story.

Avocat

Ever notice how in French, the words for "lawyer" and "avocado" are the same?!!!

Interesting.....